Let it go

Today is yom kippur, day of atonement, day of fasting, day of looking inward and reflecting on yourself as a person, and possibly, if brave enough, admitting wrongdoing and asking for forgiveness from anyone you might have hurt in the past...  Most importantly, asking forgiveness from yourself.
I feel that we hurt others because there is a cut within ourselves, even if we don't really acknowledge it, it's there, so if we hurt another, it means we are also hurting in some way.  Even if you look at people who have been hurt badly.  Some people want to lash out, punish those who 'deserve' to be punished...but we are punishing because we are hurting from their wrongdoing.  Whatever it is, we are hurting.  So in order to forgive, REALLY forgive, we have to forgive ourselves, and that is a much harder task I believe.
This holiday, I have already failed in the fasting part.  I attempted, but I just couldn't do it.  I AM going to temple, so I WILL ask for some forgiveness there...but, I guess I am NOT one to follow rules so much.  They were enforced on me at such an early age, very strict parents and then a gymnastics career which was like a military camp pretty much.  No freedom, and a certain way of life that basically said 'NO' to anything fun or childlike.  But, whatever, that was the past.  I am recovered, for the most part, and am now one to be slightly more rebellious for my 29 years of aging, and also one to follow my own rules...I believe as long as I am good to everyone around me and good to the world basically, then whatever rules are in front of me after that, they are meant to be broken!
But ANYWAY, here I am, atoning for my sins, asking friends and family for forgiveness, and trying to forgive myself for what I deem 'problems'...and I am coming to the conclusion that in order to forgive myself, I need to 'let go' of everything in the past that is making me feel bad...I need to let go of needing to feel bad...I need to let go of needing to feel 'unworthy', and open up to the possibility of actually having happiness and contentment in my life.  I am ready.  I am a good person, and whatever I have compared myself to in the past, for some reason, I always come up with the feeling that everyone around me is better than me...but that is just not true!  I am OKAY no matter what anyone else has told me in the past, no matter what I have allowed myself to do in the past, and fuck it all...I am going to be happy and successful and good to the world because that is what I deserve, it is what the world deserves, and what I am going to allow from now on...and I hope everyone in the world can get to a place where they feel well enough to love themselves so they can enjoy all the love and light around them...
Sooooooooooo...peace out, and wishing the world an easy day of fasting, a day of sincere forgiveness, and a start to a brighter year to come ...

~Jenn