miss my friends

I'm in a new place, not sure how I fit in
it doesn't feel like home, my mind isn't workin
have to go back to school, but my friends aren't here
everyone seems to be okay, but I feel nothin
I'm just the new girl just the new girl
in this new town but I liked the old one
I miss the days where I fit in
I miss the times I felt fine
nothing seems right
nothing feels normal
I'm different but I'm still the same
I want to play the old game
no one said it would be easy
but if it were up to me
I wouldn't have let this be
it's wasn't what I wanted, dad did not me
then he asks if I'm happy
like he cares really how I am
when I have no say in how I am
I don't want to be here,
I won't pretend
just to make him feel better
I'm not gonna bend
I really miss my friends...

~Jenn

~jenn

better is better

ever wish you were someone else
I do sometimes
and it's not cuz I think I am bad
I'm sad sometimes
it's because I see you as better
and then I want
what you have, how you are
it's all sometimes
so much better when I think
about your problems
what you are doing
and your worries
and I rather it be me, than you
because I am sick of my issues
and not sure when they go
if they go
so don't you see, it's not like I don't want to be
free as me, grateful to be me
it's just that I see you as better...
and better is better .

~Jenn

I can't wait

I can't wait for today to be tomorrow
I can't wait for the desire to follow
I can't wait for something better to come
I feel like I'm coming undone
I can't wait to move to a different place
I can't wait to find a home in another space
I can't wait to see how change can bring
a better life for me
I'm stressed, change is hard
I'm nervous, don't want to think
too much to do, wish it were you
to come with me this time, by my side
but it's all up to me, can't you see
this is all up to me
I can't wait for this to be over
I can't wait for another worry
I can't wait to be someone
I can't wait to be somewhere
I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait

~Jenn

don't let him get away

Running on all the paths, looking for the one that will last
a road to trust, one lined with more glitter than dust
looking around can take too long, echoing sounds from the past
and who will pass you by, he could be standing by your side...
don't let him get away, block the exit way
look for the signs that say there's not much time
and don't let him get away
Too many choices, so many voices, I'm surrounded by masses
go right, stay left, don't walk, just run, stay still and follow the sun
forget it all just for the moment, it could be the last moment
before he looks you in the eye and says goodbye...
don't let him get away, block the exit way
look for the signs that say there's not much time
and don't let him get away
close your eyes and feel the emptiness locked in your heart
don't keep ignoring the love that is always calling
one day it could all be gone, with one look, one last good bye...
don't let him get away, block the exit way
look for the signs that say there's not much time
and don't let him get away, don't let him get away.

~jenn

a good man

look at that boy, I see how he can be

boy oh boy, he's such a man to me

too good for me sometimes it seems

I can be challenging when I'm not free

do I make the choice to walk with him

not fun and games, but work to win

I don't know if I will ever feel complete

but with him I want to try and be

when a good man comes along

you gotta sing him a love song

cuz you never know when another will arrive

and with your help, love will thrive...

give it time, give it patience

let it flow without your resistance

and maybe something magical will come

maybe not, but then you can say it's done...
and then you know you gave it your all
and your friends will be there for the fall.

good men are hard to come by

the one's you can trust NOT to lie

there are few in the world if this one's not right

but give it a shot, he could be mr. right...
and you never know if there is such a thing,
it might just be whoever gives you the ring...

~Jenn

the girl from the city

making a difference in the school you're in takes all the friends you have
taking a break is always good just to enjoy a laugh
but look at the town I'm in, I don't think I really fit in
          And I just wanna go back to where I'm from
          Where life wasn't just about having fun
          people were real, and I was cool, my friends all understood
          that I was me , the girl from the city

changing your life is always tough when you don't feel you have a choice
I'm trying to find myself out there, and find my own true voice
now look at where I am, it's all about being tan

         And I just wanna go back to where I'm from

         Where life wasn't just about having fun

         people were real, and I was cool, my friends all understood

         that I was me , the girl from the city

people were real and I was cool, my friends all understood

that I was me, the girl from the city

~jenn

When will I fit in

I'm sitting here by the phone
in a strange place, they say it's home
I feel like I'm walking on pins
when will I fit in
new school with new rules
new boys with new tools
I don't feel like I belong
but I'm trying, trying to be strong
when will I fit in,
I'm looking for a win
dad says to give it time
but nothing reminds me of home, I'm alone
I don't care if I win, I just want to fit in
Donna says to wear short skirts
But I like my worn in t shirts
Bobby wants me in the bleechers
I don't really like my teachers
Dad doesn't understand what it's like
3 more years of nothing going right
I miss the city with all the lights
I wish I could feel myself here
but I'm scared that I don't fit in
dad says put some time in
but this town is just bringing me down
every thing's changing but I feel the same
I'm a fish out of water just looking to swim
welcome to my life, it's not what I picked
I want out of this town filled with misfits
I miss my friends back home
I just want to fit in
when will I fit in

~Jenn

good bye

Here we go, another time
round and round, who's gonna shine
it matters most to you, not me
all I want is for you to see
I can't keep this going, can't you see I'm just rolling
in your orders and complaints...
I try to tell you, help you to some conclusion, but you won't listen, don't you know I'm trying hard too...
but it's not working, what you want and what I need are not the same thing...
so good bye, to what's not working,
it's good bye to what we're forcing,
it's good bye, I'm gonna start living, it's good bye.
I see  you close the door again
you do the same thing with your friends
I can't be in the dark anymore
I'm gonna get strength to walk out the door...

I can't keep this going, can't you see I'm just rolling 

in your orders and complaints...

I try to tell you, help you to some conclusion, but you won't listen, don't you know I'm trying hard too...

but it's not working, what you want and what I need are not the same thing...

so good bye, to what's not working, 

good bye to what we're forcing, 

good bye, I'm gonna start living, good bye...

I'm gonna be fine under my own rule

I know my love will carry my through

and all the lessons I take from you

make me better alone, I know what to do...cuz

what you want and what I need are not the same thing...

so good bye, to what's not working, 

good bye to what we're forcing, 

good bye, I'm gonna start living, good bye

good bye 

~Jenn

sunday slurs

I can see you across the street

your eyes look down, 

wonder what you see

or are you walking blindly

into the never ending sunday

I can see what your mind says

when you look straight at me

your look doesn't seem to match

the scattered thoughts you can't catch

your words that just say nothing

you don't feel like sayin anything

who are you, I want to see you

I can feel you hiding inside of you

it's hard to cover up your soul

don't you know

and it's all gonna go

don't you know

and I'll be here for you

to take it slow, to let it go.

I see myself in you

I was young, I didn't know

how to let my feelings go

I got stuck in a cave

and I wasn't very brave

to get out and try to be

the girl inside, the real me

but I'm here to tell you

I'm here to save you

so listen good, hear me out

it's easier than you think

because no one wants to see

who you are trying to be

we just want you, because we care

and once you open up and share

what you are trying to hide

joy and freedom will overcome

and you will never want to go back

to the place you are in right now

you'll never want to revisit

the hollow dark fort you are in 

so come out come out

before it's to late

it's going to happen some day

so might as well make it today.

~Jenn

 

I just want to be happy

        I never thought it would come to this
               today I see right from wrong
                        but it's hard to be strong...
And I thought I could be
the way you wanted me
but my heart says I can't
ever be happy,
if I see you again...
      not even to be friends
      it's too much for me
      I wish you could see
      all that it takes for me
      to pretend to not love you
      to not miss the way we used to be
And I thought I could be
the way you wanted me
but my heart says I can't
ever be happy,
if I see you again...
      not even to be friends
      I'm slipping on wet ground
      saying too much on my mind
      I don't know how else to be
      but the real me
      the one you got to see
And I thought I could be
the way you wanted me
but my heart says I can't
ever be happy,
if I see you again...
      not even to be friends
      cuz this feelin won't end
      if my heart keeps running
      every time I see you coming
      and I will always make
      the same mistake
But I thought I could be
the way you wanted me
but my heart says I can't
ever be happy,
if I see you again...
      not even to be friends
      unless I just give up my life
      to be a second in your life
      but that could never lead
      to me being happy
      I just want to be happy...
And I thought I could be
the way you wanted me
but my heart says I can't
ever be happy,
if I see you again.

~Jenn

messy words

my heart's beating out of my chest
my mind's spinning all around
need to slow down, just slow down...
my nerves are getting the best of me
feel like everyone's leaving me
need to breath, just need to breath...
I'm taking chances, I feel alone
I'm walking towards a road unknown
don't know what's right, don't know what's wrong
just know what I want, I need to be strong...
I'm making a choice to stay
even though you might go away
but I'm gonna be me, just me...
my heart says one thing
my mind disagrees
but I'm gonna be me, just me...
I'm taking chances to be with you
and I'm not sure we will make it through
I'm sacred of getting hurt again
scared we will end up 'just friends'
I'm leaving a life I thought I loved
for a life with you, one that's true
but what if I can only do
the past because I can't let go
gonna jump gonna dive gonna take the chance
commit to something, dance a new dance
make my own mistakes this time
live my own life in this lifetime.

~Jenn

perfect and selfish

the smell of your skin makes me remember the passion I felt for you
the touch of your hand can still ignite a flutter inside my heart
the look in your eye brings me back to the pain from my mistake
the tear that falls makes me heart drop and suffer for my mistake
who feels worse, doesn't matter who's to blame
I made the mistake and got caught in the game
I didn't think about hurting you, just thought about me and having some fun
now I can't even imagine ever having happiness again
now you see me in a different way,
don't know how you will ever trust what I say
if you can believe that what I know now, I would never do that again
if you can forgive the past and see I would never ever hurt you again
I will be the one struggling to regain some sense of decency
you will be the one suffering in trying to reach some normalcy
but life is hard and the roads are long and the path we took together
will have some rocks and turns to take, and I will be the one forever
who will know I made the mistake to hurt you in my selfish way of being
and you will be the perfect one who will always stay true and loving.

~Jenn

I'm not the ME I want to be

I feel my heart fluttering
I'm gonna start protecting
how I feel, what I think
so I can pretend to be what I think you need from me
but I'm not the me I want to be.
Dark comes, it's revealing
clothes off, stop concealing
your passion blinds what you see
so I can pretend to be what I think you need from me
but I'm not the me I want to be.
I can't make you see
I can pretend to be
what I think I should be
what you want me to be
but I'm running inside, cuz I'm hiding
and I hate how I am, I don't know who I am
but I'm not the me I want to be
the truth can only set us free
but you don't want to hear about the me
who has a secret part of her,
who has loved another in the past years
he has a hold on me, I don't want you to see
how this truly affects me...
I'm feeling my heart fluttering
I'm nervous from my hiding
I need to start protecting
how I feel, what I think
so I can pretend to be what I think you need from me
but I'm not the me I want to be,
I'm not the me I want to be.
But you won't want the real me,
so for you, I will be a different me.

~Jenn

Love

what you want is what I want
what I want is what I said to you
when you seemed to listen
I thought you cared
and now you turn away with your passive stare
I gave you my full attention
I thought you wanted my complete devotion
you told me your story, I took it seriously
now I feel I am treading very shakily
on icy ground, I'm slippin around
can't find my feet, can't find my balance
I thought I had it all worked out
I thought you had it all worked out
what do you want now, tell me again
or are you gonna change it up, is that your trend
I'm a good man, a good person I think
and this questioning you do, makes me rethink
who are you, why are you here
right in front of me with all your fear
leave me alone if you're gonna switch gears
I'm in first, I like staying near
to my home, my heart, everything dear
so you can stay or go, but I will be clear
don't treat me like you don't know me
don't try to order me like you own me
don't diss me or try to control me
and I will be your man, your best friend
and I will be yours until the very end
holding you hand and helping to send
happiness, love, and peace again and again.

My love for you will only die with my life,
and even then, my soul will always be your light.

~Jenn

random anger developing ...

I'm taking the day off
since I've been feelin off
from the tension growing...
I want to turn it off.
I'm driving to a place,
let me have some space,
so I came come back
and give you some space.
I don't think so much
you seem better at that,
the decisions you make
lead me to my own mistakes.
I gotta follow my own lead,
I gotta do what I need,
and I've let you control,
giving up everything I know
that's best for me,
to give you what you need.
I know you hear me
I know you need me
but you're not giving me
any real intimacy.
We're not a team
when I am sitting back seat
without a ticket to ride
right by your side.
So I'm going my own way,
going solo today,
I need to feel myself again
get in touch with my own friends...
and even though I love you
I don't think you are able to
be in a real thing with me
because I don't think you see
what I actually need
and who I am, really,
and it hurts baby
it hurts deeply
to not come first
and to be ignored
and I've let it go
for way too long
so I'm gonna go sing
my own fuckin song...

~Jenn

I need you because I love you

I need you because I love you
I need you because you see me
I need you because I am happy
when you are happy with me
I want you to have everything
I want you to be successful
I want you to always want to be
happy so happy with me
with you I don't think I have ever felt
this kind of love before
with you I don't think I ever want
to make you unhappy or be untrue
with you all I know and all I am
is wanting you to always be
happy so happy with me
take me as I am and believe in us
take me as I am and give your trust
take me as I am and I'll always  be
happy so happy you're lovin me
happy so happy you're with me

~jenn

dream

I'm on my way home
my bags are packed
I'm on the next train
gonna be riding most of day
it's been a long time, a long time
and my hearts longing
I'm missing my future bride
gonna find her one day
gonna find the special one
someone to come home to
when the day's done
gonna make her happy
gonna buy her gifts
I'm gonna hold her tight
she's gonna make me alright
I have a plan and
all I need is a woman's hand
gonna be home soon
gonna be home soon
I'm jumping on the train
my family is waiting
and I'm gonna be searching
my dream is coming
I can catch it now
my dream is coming
my home is calling

~Jenn

I wish always and ultimately

When I'm alone at night
when the lights go out
and the rush hour cars are not in sight
I wish always and ultimately
that I could be more free
when I'm alone at home
when the books are closed
and the tv shows are old reruns
I wish always and ultimately
that I could be more free...
I think of you, I think of me
I think we could have had a family
I think of when I was a child
how everything seemed so easy
I think of money and earning more
how I need to change my old chores
I think of running to a different place
where I don't feel I'm in some crazy race
I want to hide but I want to be seen
It turns me around and then down
my mind so scattered, no one around
to stop the madness, tame it down
I think of the same things again and again
I question if I have enough friends
I wonder if I am a good person
I think of ways I can love you more
then I wish I could have much more
I am good I am bad I am sad I am mad
I am happy I think sometimes with some wine
And I wish always and ultimately
that I could be more free
that I could be more free

~Jenn

I can't have you see the real me

where did it go wrong
where did it go off
one day it's giggles,
then the dark hand comes

Is it me or you
do I talk to much
you're too insecure
why can't it just work

leave me, no don't, I need you now
stay here, no please go, just leave
I can't have you see the real me
I can't have you see the real me

I'm running to a place
need to show my face
lots to do right now
you can't slow me down

sorry if I'm off
sometimes you're too slow
gotta stay movin
I don't want to lose

leave me, no don't, I need you now

stay here, no please go, just leave

I can't have you see the real me

I can't have you see the real me

Is it you or me

I hate intimacy

is it me or you

what you gonna do

you can try all you want

I'm not gonna change

you can stay or leave

I will stay the same

leave me, no don't, I need you now 

stay here, no please go, just leave

I can't have you see the real me

I can't have you see the real me

~Jenn

the rainy days

it seemed so easy
or so it seemed to be
when I met you that first day
I liked you, you liked me
now look at us
how did it all change
I wanted it to stay the same
        don't wake me up to all the hard stuff
        today let me see how we used to be
        show me the sign that made me love you
        so I can see my way through the rainy days
nothing seemed that bad
after you took the stand
you were someone I had faith in
I thought we could only win
now look at us
you stay away working til dusk
I wait alone, wishing, wishing
for a better man to come home

       don't wake me up to all the hard stuff

       today let me see how we used to be

       show me the sign that made me love you

       so I can see my way through the rainy days

maybe we'll get it right

the vows we took that night

maybe will set us straight

I don't know how long to wait

I remember how we were

I can see you younger and free

can you be that way again, with me?

so I can see my way through the rainy days

so I can see my way through the rainy days

~Jenn

another day

this lock I need to undo
in order to turn on
that part in me to be strong
for you and for me
to get through the night
and be alright
tomorrow , tomorrow
when my bed will be half made
and your table not there, and
the smell of your cooking
will vacate the air
the clock will tell me
how long I've been lonely
and the sounds of the tv
will help soothe me
and everyday I don't have you
I will grow in a different way
and undo the mess you left
and the ties that need untying
and I will be strong
once I turn on
the part in me
that you didn't get to see
and the part in you
I loved, I will keep
to help me remember
the good times together
and then I won't resent
our days spent
and the life we made
will rule over the mess made
goodbye my love
I will be strong for us
and you will be okay
with someone else someday
tomorrow is, tomorrow is
another day, another day.

~Jenn

nowhere

A little foggy today, today
goes along with the feeling of the day
walking around only seeing the signs
of fallin slowly outside of the lines
nowhere, nowhere

black and blue my paintbrush follows
the true colors of my mood
where the brush lands I have no control
my heart is in my hand
nowhere, nowhere

take my hand if you want my heart
take my hand if you want to start
a whole new way of seeing things
I'm jumpin in I'm jumpin out to
nowhere, nowhere

I'm feelin shaky again
not sure I slept again
too much going on, again
I'm stayin still, I'm movin on to
nowhere, nowhere

I'm tired, I'm nervous, I'm happy, I'm sad
who cares what it is, I'm a colored clown
wearin the shades of whatever is there
when the wind blows the colors in the air

I'm lost, I'm here who cares where
I'm seein the same things I need to share
I'm done, I'm just getting started somewhere
I'm here, I'm there, I'm nowhere, nowhere
Nowhere, nowhere...

~Jenn

better days part 2

I believe we have magic
I believe we have beauty
I believe in creation
I believe we can work together

I believe in better days, I believe we can make something happen
I believe in better days, I believe it's up to us to make a better day

I believe we have love
I believe in hope and understanding
I believe in you, I believe in me
I believe we're special in every way

I believe in better days, I believe we can make something happen
I believe in better days, I believe it's up to us to make a better day

I believe in happiness
I believe in holding hands
I believe in you I believe in me
I believe in saying sweet things

I believe in better days, I believe we can make something happen
I believe in better days, I believe it's up to us to make a better day

~Jenn

better days

I wish for something magical to happen
I can feel it, I can see it's gonna happen
something for the world, for the world
to be a better place, see a better day...

I hope for you to see your way back to your family
I hope for him to cherish the days he has working away
I hope for her to hug her baby she goes away
I hope for us to come together and trust
that we can see better days, I believe in better days...
a better day, better days, I believe in better days

I feel something special about to come
about to undo all the bad we've done
it's gonna take some time, but a switch to on
is all we need to think about and then it's on...

I hope for you to see your way back to your family
I hope for him to cherish the days he has working away
I hope for her to hug her baby before she goes away
I hope for us to come together and trust
that we can see better days, I believe in better days...

            One day to dream in the world being a team
            to set us on a different path, another map
            to create what we wish for, what we all hope to see
            love, peace, tranquility,
            I believe, I believe, in all of our dreams

I know in my soul it's about to happen
like death and life, we will turn to the right
and be the same but choose differently
to see more freedom, peace and tranquility...

I hope for you to see your way back to your family

I hope for him to cherish the days he has working away

I hope for her to hug her baby before she goes away

I hope for us to come together and trust

that we can see better days, I believe in better days

a better day, better days, I believe in better days.

~Jenn