I wish I was better. I wish I was better than I am. I wish I had more to offer. I wish I was smarter, I wish I was prettier, I wish I was younger, I wish I was more giving, more generous, sweeter. I wish I wasn't me sometimes, or I wish I was a better me. And I'm 29, gonna be 30, you would think I had this all figured out by now, how to be me, how to be happy being me, how to live a full life being me and appreciating me? I'm a baby still, a big baby and I can't take it sometimes...Waaahhhh!!!
I wonder what that means, to wanna NOT be me? I wanna be diagnosed, I want some shrink to tell me what that means exactly, because it is not a feeling that feels very good. Maybe I am not supposed to feel so good most of the time. Maybe that is the point of it all, some people pretend better than others, some people feel less, some people feel more, but we all feel the same just have different ways of expressing it. Maybe when I feel a certain way, if someone else felt it, they would be rejoicing, or they would be hiding, who knows. All I know is I don't want to be me today, I want to be someone else, and I wish I could.
I have a problem, and there is nothing I can do about it. My problem is that I am stuck with my soul, not just today or tomorrow or for the rest of my life, but for every life I come back to, every life that my soul choses to live in, it is me me me and I am stuck with it. I like complaining about it, I don't know why, but it is kind of comfortable. If I talk about it in a way where I appreciate it or love it, then I feel like I am being conceited or arrogant or too proud of something I don't really deserve. I guess I feel vulnerable talking positively about my soul or myself because someone else could easily mock me and there would be the conflict, and my feelings would be hurt, so I am gonna save myself and my feelings from getting hurt, from being seen, and mock myself before anyone else gets a chance too. See, I have it all figured out, then I never have to feel hurt or upset in front of anyone, only behind closed doors, or in front of my computer, not so bad right?
Eeeeehhhhhhhh, I don't wanna be me today, I don't wanna be me.
~Jenn
Monday, May 30, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
The only one
You are the only one I love, the only one, the only one, the only one
I knew it would be you the first day I met you
I didn't want to tell you because I thought that might scare you
But I knew it, and I saw it, the very first day I met you that afternoon day
Taking walks and just talking to you made me more sure and more scared too
I didn't want to tell you how I felt to possibly push you to run the other way
Holding my tongue and not your hand was the hardest thing to do with you
But I did it anyway because I knew one day you would the same as I do
You are the only one I love, the only one I love, the only one the only one the only one
I knew it that day, that first day that I met you, that beautiful afternoon day
Meeting you made everything in my life that was blue go away, and right away
I feel like I was born again, given a chance again, I was handed a lifelong friend
and I will never let you go, but I am not gonna tell you so, not right away
you will feel it too, and you probably do, but you will feel it, I will wait for you
you are the only one I love, the only one I love, the only one the only one the only one
I never want to love another one again, because you are the only one, the only one
Everything makes sense now, everything seems in place, and there is nothing to say
when before I was just a lost piece of a puzzle in a game I didn't want to play
I never thought it would happen to me, even thought I see it happenin all around me
I thought I missed all my opportunities,
But then I met you and I knew it right away, I new it that afternoon day
you are the only one I love, the only one I love, the only one the only one the only one
I never want to love another one again, because you are the only one, the only one.
~Jenn
I knew it would be you the first day I met you
I didn't want to tell you because I thought that might scare you
But I knew it, and I saw it, the very first day I met you that afternoon day
Taking walks and just talking to you made me more sure and more scared too
I didn't want to tell you how I felt to possibly push you to run the other way
Holding my tongue and not your hand was the hardest thing to do with you
But I did it anyway because I knew one day you would the same as I do
You are the only one I love, the only one I love, the only one the only one the only one
I knew it that day, that first day that I met you, that beautiful afternoon day
Meeting you made everything in my life that was blue go away, and right away
I feel like I was born again, given a chance again, I was handed a lifelong friend
and I will never let you go, but I am not gonna tell you so, not right away
you will feel it too, and you probably do, but you will feel it, I will wait for you
you are the only one I love, the only one I love, the only one the only one the only one
I never want to love another one again, because you are the only one, the only one
Everything makes sense now, everything seems in place, and there is nothing to say
when before I was just a lost piece of a puzzle in a game I didn't want to play
I never thought it would happen to me, even thought I see it happenin all around me
I thought I missed all my opportunities,
But then I met you and I knew it right away, I new it that afternoon day
you are the only one I love, the only one I love, the only one the only one the only one
I never want to love another one again, because you are the only one, the only one.
~Jenn
Saturday, May 28, 2011
All I really want
All I really want is for you to come back to me
All I really want is for you to want me too
All I really want is to make you feel as good as you make me feel
the pain is unbearable when my tears fall like rain
and you ignore with your coldness, I hate when you close the door
when all I really want is for the love to come through
and hit me and you and help us not be blue
Don't you see what I want for us
why do you think it is so hard for us
I love you and I know you love me too
Do you see what I do, you you feel me trying to get through
to you , open your eyes, I am standing here naked for you
but I am getting cold when this jealousy takes it's hold
I am only human and you want what you want and baby that's cold
all I really want is for you to come see what you're doing to me
understand and then take my hand and lets run free
that's all I really want for us and for everyone, everyone
to join hands and love again and be friends again and again
one day it will all go and that's the only thing to last and last
but what is a friend when our history says much more than that
life is hard and I don't want to cry one more day
and waste all this time not having fun and not getting to play
sing me a song, sing all night long, come back, come back to the track
let's run free together, forever, it's never too late to come back to me.
All I really want is for you to come back, come back to me.
~Jenn
All I really want is for you to want me too
All I really want is to make you feel as good as you make me feel
the pain is unbearable when my tears fall like rain
and you ignore with your coldness, I hate when you close the door
when all I really want is for the love to come through
and hit me and you and help us not be blue
Don't you see what I want for us
why do you think it is so hard for us
I love you and I know you love me too
Do you see what I do, you you feel me trying to get through
to you , open your eyes, I am standing here naked for you
but I am getting cold when this jealousy takes it's hold
I am only human and you want what you want and baby that's cold
all I really want is for you to come see what you're doing to me
understand and then take my hand and lets run free
that's all I really want for us and for everyone, everyone
to join hands and love again and be friends again and again
one day it will all go and that's the only thing to last and last
but what is a friend when our history says much more than that
life is hard and I don't want to cry one more day
and waste all this time not having fun and not getting to play
sing me a song, sing all night long, come back, come back to the track
let's run free together, forever, it's never too late to come back to me.
All I really want is for you to come back, come back to me.
~Jenn
Friday, May 27, 2011
Better than the devil
With your wink, all can go away
from your eye to my heart, bam
silence becomes darkness
I become my worst enemy
The gods want me to learn
where my soul should NOT go
I look at you and need to be better
Better than the devil
Take me from my past and into your mess
I know what I know, but I'll lose my sense
the moment I wake up and see you there
I need to be better, I need to care
Better than the devil, better than bad
I want to be good like him, like her
Gonna be good once and for all
Gonna be better, better than the devil.
I'm here for a reason I think
I might have something good to say
but I am bad for my choices
Bad when evil steals my voice
bad to act like this
bad to not be better than this
bad to stay like this
I need to better, better than the devil
Better than the devil, better than bad
I want to be good like him, like her
Gonna be good once and for all
Gonna be better, better than the devil.
Once you talk to the devil, engage his temptations
He'll keep coming back, teasing you with happiness
He'll say he loves you but when he goes away
He takes everything back that he promised would stay
Bam, he's back and takes your hand
It feels so good and familiar, so you can't let go
and before you know
your walking down again with your friend
but everyone who care's for you is up there
and bam, bam, bam, bam
your alone on the bottom, no one around
and you've fallen down, down, down, down
I'm gonna be better, better than the devil
Gonna be better, better than the devil.
~jenn
from your eye to my heart, bam
silence becomes darkness
I become my worst enemy
The gods want me to learn
where my soul should NOT go
I look at you and need to be better
Better than the devil
Take me from my past and into your mess
I know what I know, but I'll lose my sense
the moment I wake up and see you there
I need to be better, I need to care
Better than the devil, better than bad
I want to be good like him, like her
Gonna be good once and for all
Gonna be better, better than the devil.
I'm here for a reason I think
I might have something good to say
but I am bad for my choices
Bad when evil steals my voice
bad to act like this
bad to not be better than this
bad to stay like this
I need to better, better than the devil
Better than the devil, better than bad
I want to be good like him, like her
Gonna be good once and for all
Gonna be better, better than the devil.
Once you talk to the devil, engage his temptations
He'll keep coming back, teasing you with happiness
He'll say he loves you but when he goes away
He takes everything back that he promised would stay
Bam, he's back and takes your hand
It feels so good and familiar, so you can't let go
and before you know
your walking down again with your friend
but everyone who care's for you is up there
and bam, bam, bam, bam
your alone on the bottom, no one around
and you've fallen down, down, down, down
I'm gonna be better, better than the devil
Gonna be better, better than the devil.
~jenn
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Round and round
Sigh, but sigh. Another day goes by and l need to get out and about today, I don't want to, I don't want to ... I want to hide under the covers with you, with you. I want to play that game we played when we were younger, remember, remember? We made forts in the couch out of the pillows, the pillows, and we hid and pretended from the world, the world, and that was fun, remember? I had fun doing that.
I want to go to greece, I want to go for a trip, someone exotic or somewhere I don't really care. All my friends are going away soon, and leaving me to miss them. I don't want you to say the 3 words today because one day you will not say them and I will miss them, so don't say them today.
I don't want to lose anymore, I don't want to long for anything anymore, I don't want to feel a loss of any kind, or anyone...I need to run, run away from you for a while so maybe one day I will be able to smile, again, again, hopefully soon, hopefully.
Round and round the days go by
I'm running to somewhere getting nowhere at the same time
I need a break but I gotta get by...
But this fire's burning me alive
I need it all, need it all in this life
I'm fallin from the sky, but I'm reaching high...
But I'm breakin, I'm breakin on the inside...
~Jenn
I want to go to greece, I want to go for a trip, someone exotic or somewhere I don't really care. All my friends are going away soon, and leaving me to miss them. I don't want you to say the 3 words today because one day you will not say them and I will miss them, so don't say them today.
I don't want to lose anymore, I don't want to long for anything anymore, I don't want to feel a loss of any kind, or anyone...I need to run, run away from you for a while so maybe one day I will be able to smile, again, again, hopefully soon, hopefully.
Round and round the days go by
I'm running to somewhere getting nowhere at the same time
I need a break but I gotta get by...
But this fire's burning me alive
I need it all, need it all in this life
I'm fallin from the sky, but I'm reaching high...
But I'm breakin, I'm breakin on the inside...
~Jenn
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
trouble
I got someone in trouble, they got me in trouble, we are just trouble together, plain old trouble. It's my fault that I let her get to me, I let her make me do things I normally wouldn't do. It's not my fault she feels comfortable around me where she does things she normally wouldn't do. So we are friends. But as much as we love each other, and support each other, and bring out the best in each other, we bring out the worst in each other too. We have no rules when we come together, the only rule we live by is transparency. No lies. Openness. Honesty. No judging. And tell it like it is when it is and when it isn't. That is friendship, but ours hurts other people sometimes when they are not in the mix, or when they are not as close as they might want to be. I am talking in code, I know, but it's my blog dammit, so unlock the code if you want :)
I love my friend. But sometimes I act like a child around her, and I am not a child anymore. Sometimes I don't want to be as bad as she wants me to be, and sometimes I wish she wouldn't be so bad some of the time. But I don't judge, never do. I hope our friendship will blossom into something a little healthier for both of us. Healthier for the people around us, where they won't want to tear us apart of forbid us from seeing each other...this is what I want.
trouble, oh trouble, stay away, I need some time
trouble, oh trouble, come back to me, it's playtime
teach me something knew today, somethin I can get away with
I will hold the secret dearly and never let you get away
trouble, oh trouble, where were you when I was younger
I'm glad you stayed away, don't think I could have handled
trouble, oh trouble, I don't where I should put you
hide you under the bed, but then I am always tempted
lock you away somewhere, but the key could get in worse hands
trouble, oh trouble, I guess your mine for awhile longer.
~Jenn
I love my friend. But sometimes I act like a child around her, and I am not a child anymore. Sometimes I don't want to be as bad as she wants me to be, and sometimes I wish she wouldn't be so bad some of the time. But I don't judge, never do. I hope our friendship will blossom into something a little healthier for both of us. Healthier for the people around us, where they won't want to tear us apart of forbid us from seeing each other...this is what I want.
trouble, oh trouble, stay away, I need some time
trouble, oh trouble, come back to me, it's playtime
teach me something knew today, somethin I can get away with
I will hold the secret dearly and never let you get away
trouble, oh trouble, where were you when I was younger
I'm glad you stayed away, don't think I could have handled
trouble, oh trouble, I don't where I should put you
hide you under the bed, but then I am always tempted
lock you away somewhere, but the key could get in worse hands
trouble, oh trouble, I guess your mine for awhile longer.
~Jenn
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Savin for You
I've been in a lyric mode, not really writing anything else...sometimes I feel I can speak more of the truth in lyrics than I can speaking regular. But, today I just have to share my excitement. I am going to meet some great guitar player from suicidal tendencies to work with and possibly work with in the future. I hope it goes well! I get nervous, however, I get insecure, I get worried that I won't be enough for people that have been doing this music stuff for most of their lives. But I WON'T let that hold me back, I will try to keep it at bay at least, and I will show up and see how it all goes. Anyway, that's the deal, now you get another lyric :)
Savin For You
Everyday I pray for you I fear the possibility of NOT getting you
And I know that God hears me, but I know some things are not meant to be
But in my heart it makes so much sense
and then I try to say the words and I make no sense...
When I look at you, every time, I want to touch and take care of you
Do you feel it too? Do you feel the words that I'm savin for you...
I wish you knew and I wish you felt this feeling of love that I've never felt
I never thought I could feel this way, feeling things I don't even know how to say
And I know I get scared sometimes
And I know I have no right to ask you to be mine but...
When I look at you, every time, I want to touch and take care of you
Do you feel it too? Do you feel the words that I'm savin for you...
And I don't want to lose, but in this game it's you I choose
With you, I want to know everything, and that's how I know it's the right thing
But in my heart I feel so much more,
I feel it's a crime for me to ignore...
CHORUS
Every day that I pray for you, I fear the possibility of GETTING you...
~Jenn
Savin For You
Everyday I pray for you I fear the possibility of NOT getting you
And I know that God hears me, but I know some things are not meant to be
But in my heart it makes so much sense
and then I try to say the words and I make no sense...
When I look at you, every time, I want to touch and take care of you
Do you feel it too? Do you feel the words that I'm savin for you...
I wish you knew and I wish you felt this feeling of love that I've never felt
I never thought I could feel this way, feeling things I don't even know how to say
And I know I get scared sometimes
And I know I have no right to ask you to be mine but...
When I look at you, every time, I want to touch and take care of you
Do you feel it too? Do you feel the words that I'm savin for you...
And I don't want to lose, but in this game it's you I choose
With you, I want to know everything, and that's how I know it's the right thing
But in my heart I feel so much more,
I feel it's a crime for me to ignore...
CHORUS
Every day that I pray for you, I fear the possibility of GETTING you...
~Jenn
Monday, May 23, 2011
Good bye to lies
I keep doing things bad for me
I keep choosing what's wrong for me
sometimes I think I will feel better about it
but I always feel guilty and worse about it
I keep wanting to trust you and what you say
I keep wanting to believe in your good way
but I always come backing to thinking
you are not so good and lie to get away
and then I ponder and try to think it 'through
and then I wonder what should I do
I punish you with passive coldness
you punish me with insulting rudeness
we are not meant to be and let's say it now
we are not meant to be, you and I know it now
let's be smart about the future
what could make us happier
what could make us at peace
what could make us love and live in grace
I don't want to live this way anymore
you know I said it once to you before
But this time I mean it, so there you have it
don't say a thing, let me walk out the door
I am not going to call you anymore
I am not going to see you anymore
I am not going to help you through anymore
I will always remember this untrusting feeling
And that will keep me from opening the door
good bye to you, good bye to lies
I hope you can live a fulfilling life
with someone who believes your constant lies.
~Jenn
I keep choosing what's wrong for me
sometimes I think I will feel better about it
but I always feel guilty and worse about it
I keep wanting to trust you and what you say
I keep wanting to believe in your good way
but I always come backing to thinking
you are not so good and lie to get away
and then I ponder and try to think it 'through
and then I wonder what should I do
I punish you with passive coldness
you punish me with insulting rudeness
we are not meant to be and let's say it now
we are not meant to be, you and I know it now
let's be smart about the future
what could make us happier
what could make us at peace
what could make us love and live in grace
I don't want to live this way anymore
you know I said it once to you before
But this time I mean it, so there you have it
don't say a thing, let me walk out the door
I am not going to call you anymore
I am not going to see you anymore
I am not going to help you through anymore
I will always remember this untrusting feeling
And that will keep me from opening the door
good bye to you, good bye to lies
I hope you can live a fulfilling life
with someone who believes your constant lies.
~Jenn
Sunday, May 22, 2011
I wanna be someone else sometimes
I wake up so confused at times
don't know how to explain this state of mind
I want to run out into the world
and next moment I want to lock myself in doors
I want to be someone else sometimes
I want to switch shoes and change my hair
my clothes don't fit so well right now
and no one understands or seems to care
I am running through the high road
I feel stuck in time bearing a heavy load
take the camera and take a picture
then send someone to make it look better
I want to be someone else sometimes
I want to switch shoes and change my hair
I want to think about something different
I want to be crazy and just float in air
you take me as I am and that makes you sweet
but I don't think you really know the real me
if all I want to do is try to be someone else
who gets the final say, who gets the grade...
I want to be someone else sometimes
I want to switch shoes and change my hair
gonna watch a different channel today
maybe that will make me change...
~jenn
don't know how to explain this state of mind
I want to run out into the world
and next moment I want to lock myself in doors
I want to be someone else sometimes
I want to switch shoes and change my hair
my clothes don't fit so well right now
and no one understands or seems to care
I am running through the high road
I feel stuck in time bearing a heavy load
take the camera and take a picture
then send someone to make it look better
I want to be someone else sometimes
I want to switch shoes and change my hair
I want to think about something different
I want to be crazy and just float in air
you take me as I am and that makes you sweet
but I don't think you really know the real me
if all I want to do is try to be someone else
who gets the final say, who gets the grade...
I want to be someone else sometimes
I want to switch shoes and change my hair
gonna watch a different channel today
maybe that will make me change...
~jenn
Saturday, May 21, 2011
you
Every time I pray for you
I feel the possible fear of not getting you
even though I do believe in god
and I think god is on my side sometimes
This sense that I wish you knew
my feelings are true, so true for you
but I wonder if I am being sentenced
to live an empty life without you
I look at you and every time
I want to touch and take care of you
I'm asking god that you see it too
so you will say the words I'm savin for you
I wish you knew, I wish you felt
this feeling of love I have never felt
I never thought I could be this way
and I don't even know what else to say
If we were younger it be easier
but the bags on our sides are making it harder
I know your scared of losing again
but I will never go and we'll always be friends
I look at you and every time
I want to touch and take care of you
I'm asking god that you see it too
so you will say the words I'm savin for you
I don't even know if there's another
if there is I will try to recover
I don't know how to get through to you
I'm on my knees begging to get to you...
cuz I look at you and every time
I feel the possible fear of not getting you
even though I do believe in god
and I think god is on my side sometimes
This sense that I wish you knew
my feelings are true, so true for you
but I wonder if I am being sentenced
to live an empty life without you
I look at you and every time
I want to touch and take care of you
I'm asking god that you see it too
so you will say the words I'm savin for you
I wish you knew, I wish you felt
this feeling of love I have never felt
I never thought I could be this way
and I don't even know what else to say
If we were younger it be easier
but the bags on our sides are making it harder
I know your scared of losing again
but I will never go and we'll always be friends
I look at you and every time
I want to touch and take care of you
I'm asking god that you see it too
so you will say the words I'm savin for you
I don't even know if there's another
if there is I will try to recover
I don't know how to get through to you
I'm on my knees begging to get to you...
cuz I look at you and every time
I want to touch and take care of you
I'm asking god that you see it too
so you will say the words I'm savin for you.
you, you, you, you, I'm savin these words, savin for you
~Jenn
Friday, May 20, 2011
Happiness
It's so great to see you I just want to hug you
you came back, I didn't know if you would make it through
you have the strength that I knew would pull you through
I was relieved to see I would have more days with you
Let me see you and you see me
I am so happy
everyone, everyone should feel this way
you came back to me
I knew you would, I knew you could
I want this feeling to last
make it last, make it last
you are back with me
I'm gonna stay with you
When you were gone all I did was pray
I wanted god to save you and god save me
I didn't know how to ask for strength to get through
But now I am grateful all my wishes came true
And I can see you and you see me
you came back, I didn't know if you would make it through
you have the strength that I knew would pull you through
I was relieved to see I would have more days with you
Let me see you and you see me
I am so happy
everyone, everyone should feel this way
you came back to me
I knew you would, I knew you could
I want this feeling to last
make it last, make it last
you are back with me
I'm gonna stay with you
When you were gone all I did was pray
I wanted god to save you and god save me
I didn't know how to ask for strength to get through
But now I am grateful all my wishes came true
And I can see you and you see me
I am so happy
everyone, everyone should feel this way
you came back to me
I knew you would, I knew you could
I want this feeling to last
make it last, make it last
you are back with me
I'm gonna stay with you
I hope I never let you go again, never let you feel alone
I hope I can show you how to let your feelings known
I hope you will always feel safe, so safe with me
I hope you will know that you are my only family
And I see you and you see me
I am so happy
everyone, everyone should feel this way
you came back to me
I knew you would, I knew you could
I want this feeling to last
make it last, make it last
you are back with me
I'm gonna stay with you
You are gonna stay with me,
I'm so happy, happy happy.
I don't know if I run or jump or scream or shout,
my heart is beating, it wants to come out,
so happy so happy so happy,
I want you and everyone to feel as I do,
I could take care of the world by taking care of you.
~Jenn
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
It is sometimes harder than it seemed
I grew up in a city town
I was always a winner in my group
I was taught to always do my best
you always believed in me
Now look at me, I'm down and out
My dreams of love and success
drowned in my tears from defeat
I don't feel I can handle much more
take my hand cuz you have more
take my hand, don't close the door
take my hand I still believe in you
it is sometimes harder than it seemed
sometimes harder than it appeared to be
I really thought I had it good
proper parents and proper school
I was independant and passionate
maybe I lost site of connection
I called you looking for some help
I needed a friend, a pep talk
you didnt want to talk to me
I guess I understand, I wasn't good to you
take my hand, I won't let you fall
take my hand, it's not time to have it all
take my hand, you still desire life
it is sometimes harder than it seemed
sometimes harder than it appeared to be
I never thought I would be here
wanting to fall off that building up there
there are too many people not caring
too many people I left behind
I have no family, no support
I have no purpose anymore
no one really cares what I do
I am going to say good bye to you
take my hand, I promise to help
take my hand, it's not your time yet
take my hand, the future will be better
take my hand, its yours forever
take my hand, this is just the beginning
take my hand, life is still worth living
it is sometimes harder than it seemed
sometimes harder than it appreared to be.
~Jenn
I was always a winner in my group
I was taught to always do my best
you always believed in me
Now look at me, I'm down and out
My dreams of love and success
drowned in my tears from defeat
I don't feel I can handle much more
take my hand cuz you have more
take my hand, don't close the door
take my hand I still believe in you
it is sometimes harder than it seemed
sometimes harder than it appeared to be
I really thought I had it good
proper parents and proper school
I was independant and passionate
maybe I lost site of connection
I called you looking for some help
I needed a friend, a pep talk
you didnt want to talk to me
I guess I understand, I wasn't good to you
take my hand, I won't let you fall
take my hand, it's not time to have it all
take my hand, you still desire life
it is sometimes harder than it seemed
sometimes harder than it appeared to be
I never thought I would be here
wanting to fall off that building up there
there are too many people not caring
too many people I left behind
I have no family, no support
I have no purpose anymore
no one really cares what I do
I am going to say good bye to you
take my hand, I promise to help
take my hand, it's not your time yet
take my hand, the future will be better
take my hand, its yours forever
take my hand, this is just the beginning
take my hand, life is still worth living
it is sometimes harder than it seemed
sometimes harder than it appreared to be.
~Jenn
Monday, May 16, 2011
tell me something good
I am not sure what days I hate more, sunday or monday.
Hi, by the way. Was away for the weekend, a pretty weekend in northern california, and now I'm back. Vacation or no vacation, mondays suck. They probably suck more coming back from a little weekend getaway, so I guess I will just have to pay the price and see it through. I wish I had a choice! I wish I could press fast forward like I can on my DVD player and go right past monday to tuesday. I wish.
But anyway, the least I can do is something productive today, something that will make monday worth while, something that will make me enjoy monday just a little bit, something that will possibly make the week a little more enjoyable. Well, the only thing I can think of is to write another song. That always makes me feel better, and productive, and like I have fullfilled a purpose in some way. So...
tell me something good, I need to know
tell me something good, I want to know
I'm feelin a little blue
and all I need from you
is to tell me something good
tell me something good
I don't want to hear about the weather
I don't want to hear that you don't have it together
I don't want to hear that you are away
I don't want to hear that you have nothing good to say
so tell me something good, I need to know
tell me something good, I want to know
friends of for cheer
or to converse over beer
just tell me something good
tell me something enlightening
tell me something inspiring
tell me who you're loving today
tell me I will be okay someday
make up a story if you need to
anything to help me through
tell me life will be good
tell me something good
~Jenn
Hi, by the way. Was away for the weekend, a pretty weekend in northern california, and now I'm back. Vacation or no vacation, mondays suck. They probably suck more coming back from a little weekend getaway, so I guess I will just have to pay the price and see it through. I wish I had a choice! I wish I could press fast forward like I can on my DVD player and go right past monday to tuesday. I wish.
But anyway, the least I can do is something productive today, something that will make monday worth while, something that will make me enjoy monday just a little bit, something that will possibly make the week a little more enjoyable. Well, the only thing I can think of is to write another song. That always makes me feel better, and productive, and like I have fullfilled a purpose in some way. So...
tell me something good, I need to know
tell me something good, I want to know
I'm feelin a little blue
and all I need from you
is to tell me something good
tell me something good
I don't want to hear about the weather
I don't want to hear that you don't have it together
I don't want to hear that you are away
I don't want to hear that you have nothing good to say
so tell me something good, I need to know
tell me something good, I want to know
friends of for cheer
or to converse over beer
just tell me something good
tell me something enlightening
tell me something inspiring
tell me who you're loving today
tell me I will be okay someday
make up a story if you need to
anything to help me through
tell me life will be good
tell me something good
~Jenn
Thursday, May 12, 2011
lookin out my window
Lookin out the window, you've been lookin out the window
watchin it all go
another day another month another year
you're just lookin out the window
I see another man go
walkin out the door now
they always seem to come and go
another month another year another tear
and you're just lookin out the window
are you sad or are you at peace
I am not sure what I see
as I'm lookin out my window
thinking about what to do
school is over and my job is boring so
I'm lookin out my window
feelin kinda low
everyone's on the go
there's a man on the corner
his arms in the air
he's fighting some truth but at least he cares
I see it out the window
I don't want tv, don't want to read
it's all made up, I want some truth
so I'm lookin out the window
where ya gonna go now
you're stepping down from your thrown
what I'm gonna do, it's hard to be alone
so I'm lookin out the window
thinkin it all through
everyone's working, everyone's lyin
everybody's tellin everybody what to do
so I'm lookin out the window
watching it all flow
are we together or are we enemies forever
are you comin back or is this the end
I'm just lookin out the window
waiting for night to come
gonna sleep gonna feel some peace
lookin out the window.
~Jenn
watchin it all go
another day another month another year
you're just lookin out the window
I see another man go
walkin out the door now
they always seem to come and go
another month another year another tear
and you're just lookin out the window
are you sad or are you at peace
I am not sure what I see
as I'm lookin out my window
thinking about what to do
school is over and my job is boring so
I'm lookin out my window
feelin kinda low
everyone's on the go
there's a man on the corner
his arms in the air
he's fighting some truth but at least he cares
I see it out the window
I don't want tv, don't want to read
it's all made up, I want some truth
so I'm lookin out the window
where ya gonna go now
you're stepping down from your thrown
what I'm gonna do, it's hard to be alone
so I'm lookin out the window
thinkin it all through
everyone's working, everyone's lyin
everybody's tellin everybody what to do
so I'm lookin out the window
watching it all flow
are we together or are we enemies forever
are you comin back or is this the end
I'm just lookin out the window
waiting for night to come
gonna sleep gonna feel some peace
lookin out the window.
~Jenn
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Note to self...
I feel it coming on, and I am not happy about it.
Everyone has it, it has to come at sometime.
But I didn't want it to come NOW, not NOW, I still need some juice.
Here it is, I will admit it...I feel a dry period coming on, a hump, a brain feeze, a writer's block, and creative brake, a lull, a whatever you want to call it, but I feel it coming on. I was going so well, I really was, writing songs every day and actually coming up with some good material. Now, all of a sudden, I am expected to come up with songs daily, regularly, and I have frozen all of a sudden.
One, I don't want my songs to start sounding the same, so I am in fear of not knowing enough chords to make my songs sound different.
Two, I don't even know what to write about right now. I feel stale, like I said everything I wanted to say, and now nothing flows, NOTHING...waaaahhhhhhhh.
I guess there is nothing to do about it but just to ride it out. I am not going to freak, am not going to talk to much about it, am not going to worry that my creative juices will not come back. They will, I know they will, they HAVE to...So, there you go...but it is interesting to realize that once there was an expectation of me to write songs all the time, that is when the hump started. My fear of failing or of dissappointing has crept in. And it has taken over. But I will not allow it to take over this time. It doesn't deserve to win anymore. I am not a failure, I am not a dissappointment, or I will try NOT to be. And who cares anyway if I am right? I am trying like everyone else is in the world, and I am trying my best. I am grateful for people who want me to write songs all the time, that is what I should be talking about.
Okay, note to self: stay happy about people who are liking your songs and wanting you to keep producing more. They could be saying, let's just stick to what you got and concentrate on the old songs and not write newer one's. So, you are doing okay self, you are, no worries ...
Thanks for listening :)
~Jenn
Everyone has it, it has to come at sometime.
But I didn't want it to come NOW, not NOW, I still need some juice.
Here it is, I will admit it...I feel a dry period coming on, a hump, a brain feeze, a writer's block, and creative brake, a lull, a whatever you want to call it, but I feel it coming on. I was going so well, I really was, writing songs every day and actually coming up with some good material. Now, all of a sudden, I am expected to come up with songs daily, regularly, and I have frozen all of a sudden.
One, I don't want my songs to start sounding the same, so I am in fear of not knowing enough chords to make my songs sound different.
Two, I don't even know what to write about right now. I feel stale, like I said everything I wanted to say, and now nothing flows, NOTHING...waaaahhhhhhhh.
I guess there is nothing to do about it but just to ride it out. I am not going to freak, am not going to talk to much about it, am not going to worry that my creative juices will not come back. They will, I know they will, they HAVE to...So, there you go...but it is interesting to realize that once there was an expectation of me to write songs all the time, that is when the hump started. My fear of failing or of dissappointing has crept in. And it has taken over. But I will not allow it to take over this time. It doesn't deserve to win anymore. I am not a failure, I am not a dissappointment, or I will try NOT to be. And who cares anyway if I am right? I am trying like everyone else is in the world, and I am trying my best. I am grateful for people who want me to write songs all the time, that is what I should be talking about.
Okay, note to self: stay happy about people who are liking your songs and wanting you to keep producing more. They could be saying, let's just stick to what you got and concentrate on the old songs and not write newer one's. So, you are doing okay self, you are, no worries ...
Thanks for listening :)
~Jenn
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
It's okay to cry
My momma told me not to cry,
She worried even if I sighed
So I learned to keep my feelings inside
Even when I had my first kiss, the love I gave was pushed away
I shut down and pretended I didn't care,
I felt proud because I didn’t cry...
I turned 18, I went to school,
I wanted to fit in, I acted really cool
I got A’s and went to the gym, I let my friends set the social rules
I had a drink to soak it all in, my life turned fun and I fit in
This worked for a while, I thought I was happy
And I felt proud, I didn't cry...
I said mamma, I’m ok, I can smile through all the pain
Look mamma, I am strong, I’m in control, I won’t let go,
Look mamma, I won’t cry.
I met a boy on the football team, we were the perfect pair
He was nice some of the time, and when he wasn’t, I pretended not to care
So, I let things go and pushed them away, I thought that someday it would be ok
I got pregnant, dropped out of school, but it was okay
I was proud because I didn't cry...
We got married and did the right thing, I had a girl and she was the sweetest thing
There was a lot of fighting and one day he left my daughter and me
I tried to be strong and hold it all in, but then she looked at me one lonely day
I cried my first tear when I heard her say
She said, don’t worry mamma, I won’t cry.
Look mamma, I’m ok, I will smile through all the pain
Look mamma, I am strong, I’m in control, I won’t let go,
Look mamma, I won’t cry.
I had to make a change to try and save my daughter from me
I wanted her to feel free to cry and yell and express her real self
Everything I wanted to teach her, I had to teach myself
Then one day, I felt my tears start bubbling up from all those years
I can’t believe how hard I cried
And then one day, I let go and I cried….
I felt the hurt, I felt the pain, I felt the resistance I had to change
I felt the humiliation and embarrassment right before I felt some contentment
The more I cried, the closer I came to finding love from feeling pain
It felt so real as I cried
A year ago I held my daughter tight, bags packed for college, she was ready to shine
She cried, we laughed, we let it all go, I said goodbye to her as I hugged her so
She looked at me with her soft blue eyes, she said mamma, it’s ok to cry
She said, Mamma, I love you more than you know, and it's okay to cry.
She worried even if I sighed
So I learned to keep my feelings inside
Even when I had my first kiss, the love I gave was pushed away
I shut down and pretended I didn't care,
I felt proud because I didn’t cry...
I turned 18, I went to school,
I wanted to fit in, I acted really cool
I got A’s and went to the gym, I let my friends set the social rules
I had a drink to soak it all in, my life turned fun and I fit in
This worked for a while, I thought I was happy
And I felt proud, I didn't cry...
I said mamma, I’m ok, I can smile through all the pain
Look mamma, I am strong, I’m in control, I won’t let go,
Look mamma, I won’t cry.
I met a boy on the football team, we were the perfect pair
He was nice some of the time, and when he wasn’t, I pretended not to care
So, I let things go and pushed them away, I thought that someday it would be ok
I got pregnant, dropped out of school, but it was okay
I was proud because I didn't cry...
We got married and did the right thing, I had a girl and she was the sweetest thing
There was a lot of fighting and one day he left my daughter and me
I tried to be strong and hold it all in, but then she looked at me one lonely day
I cried my first tear when I heard her say
She said, don’t worry mamma, I won’t cry.
Look mamma, I’m ok, I will smile through all the pain
Look mamma, I am strong, I’m in control, I won’t let go,
Look mamma, I won’t cry.
I had to make a change to try and save my daughter from me
I wanted her to feel free to cry and yell and express her real self
Everything I wanted to teach her, I had to teach myself
Then one day, I felt my tears start bubbling up from all those years
I can’t believe how hard I cried
And then one day, I let go and I cried….
I felt the hurt, I felt the pain, I felt the resistance I had to change
I felt the humiliation and embarrassment right before I felt some contentment
The more I cried, the closer I came to finding love from feeling pain
It felt so real as I cried
A year ago I held my daughter tight, bags packed for college, she was ready to shine
She cried, we laughed, we let it all go, I said goodbye to her as I hugged her so
She looked at me with her soft blue eyes, she said mamma, it’s ok to cry
She said, Mamma, I love you more than you know, and it's okay to cry.
Monday, May 9, 2011
100 blogs old...
Wow, this is my 100th post, my centenial post, a celebratory post to say, and yeah, a 100 blogs old we are today. And to think, today I woke up not sure what I wanted to say and not sure if I even wanted to deal with the blog today. But, how can I NOT deal with the blog today???
So, a little over 3 months I have been going at this, and I think since my friend gave me the idea to start a blog, I have been so much more productive and inspired in my career. I have to say, even though probably one or two people read this thing once in a while, it has made me a better writer and has forced me to write some songs that are pretty good if I do say so. But, what I love MOST about it, is that I had no idea what to expect from this thing, and the best gift the blog could give me is a routine, a journey, a process that I needed to be on to evolve as a writer. And I let go of all the expectations and the idea that something needed to come from this blog. And to my surprise, so much has come from this blog that I am grateful for, and therefore on my knees thanking the blog god for allowing blogs to exist :)
This week I will be recording some newer stuff with some really great musicians, I can't wait to play it for you !!!!!
Thank you for seeing me through the good and the bad blogs, the sad and depressing blogs and the grateful and happy blogs...this must be the most bipolar blog in existence, but who is judging, not me ! So, thank you for staying true as I reach this 100th blog milestone...I couldn't have done it without you !!! :)
~Jenn
So, a little over 3 months I have been going at this, and I think since my friend gave me the idea to start a blog, I have been so much more productive and inspired in my career. I have to say, even though probably one or two people read this thing once in a while, it has made me a better writer and has forced me to write some songs that are pretty good if I do say so. But, what I love MOST about it, is that I had no idea what to expect from this thing, and the best gift the blog could give me is a routine, a journey, a process that I needed to be on to evolve as a writer. And I let go of all the expectations and the idea that something needed to come from this blog. And to my surprise, so much has come from this blog that I am grateful for, and therefore on my knees thanking the blog god for allowing blogs to exist :)
This week I will be recording some newer stuff with some really great musicians, I can't wait to play it for you !!!!!
Thank you for seeing me through the good and the bad blogs, the sad and depressing blogs and the grateful and happy blogs...this must be the most bipolar blog in existence, but who is judging, not me ! So, thank you for staying true as I reach this 100th blog milestone...I couldn't have done it without you !!! :)
~Jenn
Sunday, May 8, 2011
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY
Happy mother's day to all the moms out there in the world
sometimes I wish I was a mommy too
Hope all the mom's are getting some flowers and sweetness from you
sometimes I wonder when I will be a mommy too
Mom's have it tough, it's hard to raise kids these days
sometimes I think I might not be a good mommy
Most of us seem to grow up and talk about all the problem's our mom's had
Most of us seem to complain a lot about the issue's and not the gifts
sometimes I get scarred thinking I might not be a mom
sometimes I wonder if it's in the cards for me
My mom did her best, and I know she loved us all including me
if my mom were different, would I be a mommy now?
I am not able to hug my mom today, she is far, far away
a lot of my friends are moms, what is wrong with me?
Mom's are the reason we are here, they put up with so much, we should all care
Deeply, with appreciation, with gratitude and with love
Mom's are the best even if they sometimes fu#!#@&^@# up
I hope I'm a mom someday, I do, I really do
I hope I don't fu#!$^%$#@ up like some of them do.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY
Love you MOM!!!!!
~Jenn
sometimes I wish I was a mommy too
Hope all the mom's are getting some flowers and sweetness from you
sometimes I wonder when I will be a mommy too
Mom's have it tough, it's hard to raise kids these days
sometimes I think I might not be a good mommy
Most of us seem to grow up and talk about all the problem's our mom's had
Most of us seem to complain a lot about the issue's and not the gifts
sometimes I get scarred thinking I might not be a mom
sometimes I wonder if it's in the cards for me
My mom did her best, and I know she loved us all including me
if my mom were different, would I be a mommy now?
I am not able to hug my mom today, she is far, far away
a lot of my friends are moms, what is wrong with me?
Mom's are the reason we are here, they put up with so much, we should all care
Deeply, with appreciation, with gratitude and with love
Mom's are the best even if they sometimes fu#!#@&^@# up
I hope I'm a mom someday, I do, I really do
I hope I don't fu#!$^%$#@ up like some of them do.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY
Love you MOM!!!!!
~Jenn
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Happiness is believing our dreams will come true
Yesterday I woke up to a loud noise outside my building
there were flashing lights and fire engines and lots of banging
the cops were ordering and the tenants were yelling
what's happening, what's going on, why is everyone screaming?
I was alone through this chaos, and my heart started beating
I put my clothes on, grabbed my bag, then followed the screaming
I didn't have time to wish for what I didn't have,
but I wished, I WISHED, I had someone with me to grab.
There was an accident, a crime, that happened downstairs
the victim's name wasn't familiar, but I definitely still cared
this is my building, my home, and anything can happen
myself, I am alone, and so vulnerable for anything to happen.
The people in the building came together, everyone was silent
I think we all felt the fear this could happen to us, this violence
the boy who lived down the hall from me, I never knew his name
looked at me sincerely, then asked me for my name...
He was a cutie, he WAS, but I didn't want to let myself go there
I was mourning the loss of safety, of a person, I needed to stay present and there
I told him my name, he said he always wondered who I was
even though he never had the courage to tell me who he was.
He said 'I don't like you being alone, I just have to let you know,
And I feel this warm tender emotion towards you, and thought you should know.'
My heart was beating faster, I wasn't sure what was the cause,
the accident, the crime, or this boy's love song?
It took me by surprise, but I knew as I looked in his eyes
He was for real, so sweet, and I had felt the same, the same thing
I didn't believe in soul mates, or in 'love at first sight',
but man, oh man, it was happening to me at this exact site!
The cops left the building, the chaos started to calm down
Everyone said their goodbye's, with tears were in all of our eyes
He took my hand, I was ready for it, he said, 'come on, let's walk'
I was not alone anymore, I realized this as we talked.
God has a plan for us all, even though it comes in crazy ways...
I always believed in this, but never imagined it would play out this way.
I say believe in what you dare to dream, it will come true,
I say live, love, be good and hope, be everything true to you.
Happiness is believing our dreams will come true,
Happiness is believing our dreams will come true,
Happiness is trusting our dreams will come true,
Happiness is seeing our dreams coming true...
~Jenn
there were flashing lights and fire engines and lots of banging
the cops were ordering and the tenants were yelling
what's happening, what's going on, why is everyone screaming?
I was alone through this chaos, and my heart started beating
I put my clothes on, grabbed my bag, then followed the screaming
I didn't have time to wish for what I didn't have,
but I wished, I WISHED, I had someone with me to grab.
There was an accident, a crime, that happened downstairs
the victim's name wasn't familiar, but I definitely still cared
this is my building, my home, and anything can happen
myself, I am alone, and so vulnerable for anything to happen.
The people in the building came together, everyone was silent
I think we all felt the fear this could happen to us, this violence
the boy who lived down the hall from me, I never knew his name
looked at me sincerely, then asked me for my name...
He was a cutie, he WAS, but I didn't want to let myself go there
I was mourning the loss of safety, of a person, I needed to stay present and there
I told him my name, he said he always wondered who I was
even though he never had the courage to tell me who he was.
He said 'I don't like you being alone, I just have to let you know,
And I feel this warm tender emotion towards you, and thought you should know.'
My heart was beating faster, I wasn't sure what was the cause,
the accident, the crime, or this boy's love song?
It took me by surprise, but I knew as I looked in his eyes
He was for real, so sweet, and I had felt the same, the same thing
I didn't believe in soul mates, or in 'love at first sight',
but man, oh man, it was happening to me at this exact site!
The cops left the building, the chaos started to calm down
Everyone said their goodbye's, with tears were in all of our eyes
He took my hand, I was ready for it, he said, 'come on, let's walk'
I was not alone anymore, I realized this as we talked.
God has a plan for us all, even though it comes in crazy ways...
I always believed in this, but never imagined it would play out this way.
I say believe in what you dare to dream, it will come true,
I say live, love, be good and hope, be everything true to you.
Happiness is believing our dreams will come true,
Happiness is believing our dreams will come true,
Happiness is trusting our dreams will come true,
Happiness is seeing our dreams coming true...
~Jenn
Thursday, May 5, 2011
I don't want to be blue
What should I do when I'm down
and I feel like I need some help
because nothing, nothing just seems to be going okay
I close my eyes and all I see
is destruction all around me
and I don't see anyone near bye
to dry my cryin eyes...
I'm alone, all alone
I know you must feel this sometimes too
but tell me, please, what should I do
to take me to another place,
I don't want to be blue.
If it were you feelin this way
I promise I would be by your side
all you would need to do
is tell me where you are, I would come see you
I would ask you what was wrong
I would talk it out all night long
if needed, but you would know
you have a friend to help you through...but
I'm alone, all alone
I know you must feel this sometimes too
But tell me please, what should I do
To take me to another place,
I don't want to be blue.
I don't know why it has come to this
but I feel my world revolves around everyone else's mess
it might be because I always become available
but I think it is because I am always reliable
but it hurts when a stop comes to halt the ride
and everyone goes off to their other lives
and then there's me, just me again
I look around and I don't see my friends
I'm alone, all alone
I know you must feel this sometimes too
But tell me please, what should I do
To take me to another place,
I don't want to be blue.
~Jenn
and I feel like I need some help
because nothing, nothing just seems to be going okay
I close my eyes and all I see
is destruction all around me
and I don't see anyone near bye
to dry my cryin eyes...
I'm alone, all alone
I know you must feel this sometimes too
but tell me, please, what should I do
to take me to another place,
I don't want to be blue.
If it were you feelin this way
I promise I would be by your side
all you would need to do
is tell me where you are, I would come see you
I would ask you what was wrong
I would talk it out all night long
if needed, but you would know
you have a friend to help you through...but
I'm alone, all alone
I know you must feel this sometimes too
But tell me please, what should I do
To take me to another place,
I don't want to be blue.
I don't know why it has come to this
but I feel my world revolves around everyone else's mess
it might be because I always become available
but I think it is because I am always reliable
but it hurts when a stop comes to halt the ride
and everyone goes off to their other lives
and then there's me, just me again
I look around and I don't see my friends
I'm alone, all alone
I know you must feel this sometimes too
But tell me please, what should I do
To take me to another place,
I don't want to be blue.
~Jenn
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
He is dead
Our country waited for a long time
most of us have still been cryin
it was one of the worst crimes
any human could do to others
And we believed justice would come
And we hoped justice would punish
And we prayed justice would kill all evil
Years passing without any hope
we wondered if there would ever be an end
begging he would have to stand
and be judged by our unforgiving hands
And we believed justice would come
And we hoped justice would punish
And we prayed justice would kill all evil
no more power, no more life, he is dead
no more power, no more life, he is dead
It's almost unreal to try and let go
I wish to torture him a little more
we try to forgive yet never forget
no more power no more life, he is dead
And we believed justice would come
And we hoped justice would punish
And we prayed justice would kill all evil
no more power, no more life, he is dead
no more power, no more life, he is dead
~Jenn
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
I felt free with him, I felt free
My friend, he whispered a secret to me
telling me how to be free
it's possible, he said, more than a dream
how to be free, how to be free.
He took me to the beach to walk
taking our time, we were feeling the sand
and our feet teased the waves
crashing all along the shore
He said stop right now,
look around and take in
this beauty around and within
and I felt free with him, I felt free.
We drove to the nearest pub
had a beer to wash down our grub
laughed at some characters in the room
stumbling out of the bathroom.
He leaned in for a kiss
took me by surprise at first
but my shock was in seeing
how natural this seemed to me.
He said stop right now,
look around and take in
this beauty around and within
and I felt free with him, I felt free.
We drove home late that night
we talked in his car until morning light
I didn't want the moment to end
and oh, his eyes, were glowing in the light
He held my hand,
I told him not to let go
I finally was not alone
the he whispered so softly, so intently
Stop right now
look around and take in
this beauty around and within
and I felt free with him, I felt free.
free free free free free free free
~Jenn
telling me how to be free
it's possible, he said, more than a dream
how to be free, how to be free.
He took me to the beach to walk
taking our time, we were feeling the sand
and our feet teased the waves
crashing all along the shore
He said stop right now,
look around and take in
this beauty around and within
and I felt free with him, I felt free.
We drove to the nearest pub
had a beer to wash down our grub
laughed at some characters in the room
stumbling out of the bathroom.
He leaned in for a kiss
took me by surprise at first
but my shock was in seeing
how natural this seemed to me.
He said stop right now,
look around and take in
this beauty around and within
and I felt free with him, I felt free.
We drove home late that night
we talked in his car until morning light
I didn't want the moment to end
and oh, his eyes, were glowing in the light
He held my hand,
I told him not to let go
I finally was not alone
the he whispered so softly, so intently
Stop right now
look around and take in
this beauty around and within
and I felt free with him, I felt free.
free free free free free free free
~Jenn
Monday, May 2, 2011
A lame love song
I am trying to write a love song
I am trying, I am trying
not sure why it seems so tasking
but the words don't flow to my liking
I am trying to write a love song
I am trying to love again too
Maybe a love will develop
sooner than the letter in the envelop
so it's a lame, lame love song
don't know what to say or even how to say it
it's a lame lame love song
am I looking for love or just a way to express it...
I could say
I'm ready to walk down the road with you
not sure we both know what to do
but with your heart and my love I believe
will see us through the good and bad times too
I could also say
I'm not sure what the secrets will be
what we will come to see
about staying together and having a family
but baby, I'm ready for you and me
Or if I said
I'm scared, I'm excited, I'm thrilled that it's you
I don't want to grow old with anyone but you
You know I've searched long to only realize
the love I had was right before my eyes
but it's a lame, lame love song
don't know what to say or even how to say it
so it's a lame, lame love song
am I looking for love or just a way to express it...
~Jenn
I am trying, I am trying
not sure why it seems so tasking
but the words don't flow to my liking
I am trying to write a love song
I am trying to love again too
Maybe a love will develop
sooner than the letter in the envelop
so it's a lame, lame love song
don't know what to say or even how to say it
it's a lame lame love song
am I looking for love or just a way to express it...
I could say
I'm ready to walk down the road with you
not sure we both know what to do
but with your heart and my love I believe
will see us through the good and bad times too
I could also say
I'm not sure what the secrets will be
what we will come to see
about staying together and having a family
but baby, I'm ready for you and me
Or if I said
I'm scared, I'm excited, I'm thrilled that it's you
I don't want to grow old with anyone but you
You know I've searched long to only realize
the love I had was right before my eyes
but it's a lame, lame love song
don't know what to say or even how to say it
so it's a lame, lame love song
am I looking for love or just a way to express it...
~Jenn
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Purpose
What makes for a good friend? Someone who you can count on when in need of help, support, cheer, celebration, or just to talk. Someone who will come to you in rough situations and drop everything, if they can, to help. Someone who will not tell your deepest secrets to anyone and who will always have your back. Someone who cares about your well being and will try their best to offer their advice or feedback. Someone who loves you and understands you. Someone who accepts you just like you are. Someone who will go through life by your side and also become a part of your family. Someone who you know, even if you fight, you will always be able to resolve the argument eventually. Someone who you trust and would trust your children with. Someone you appreciate and who also makes you feel apprectiated.
I was that someone last night. I was the friend who came to the other friend in need. I did my job and helped a friend. The best I could. And it feels good. But the situation sucks.
I can't decide what feels better. To be the one to offer need, to feel needed, or to be the one to rely on someone to help, or give you what you need. I think I like feeling needed and influencial. It gives me a sense of purpose, something I think I am always searching for, a purpose.
I wonder why it is such an issue for me? Some people might feel burdened with purpose, maybe challenged, maybe stressed, maybe obligated. I feel alive, strong, willing, important, more worthy of living when I have a purpose. The problem for me is that most of the time, I don't feel I have much of a purpose, and therefore, the emptiness creeps in with a sense of loneliness and confusion and feeling of why the fuck do I need to be alive then if there is no reason to live? It should be enough to exist, to have a job that people count on you to show up, a family that likes your presence, friends that just want to chat. It SHOULD be enough. I am working on that, on just feeling like my purpose is to 'show up' to the world, 'be' in the life I have been given, exist.
And then there's writing and music. I have my own purpose now, for myself. I am doing my best to get words on a page, lyrics in a song, out to the world, out of my head, off my computer and into the universe. I believe, if God or whoever is out there wants my purpose just as much as I do, it will happen, it WILL happen. My job is to stay tenacious, which I have to say, I am good at, and the universe will then support when the time is right. So, right now, I have given myself a new purpose. My purpose is to be the best friend I can, which I accomplished last night, and then, stay tenacious...I like the word and I like the job...I hope we all can stay tenacious to follow our dreams, to help the world, to fix the economy (yes, I DO follow politics sometimes :)), to sing more songs, and to love...to LOVE more than we do...tenacious about love, being loved and loving...I'm good with that purpose too ;)
Wow, I have lots of purposes all of a sudden!! Life will be okay for another week :)
~Jenn
PS...it's my bday week!! Happy MAY !!!
I was that someone last night. I was the friend who came to the other friend in need. I did my job and helped a friend. The best I could. And it feels good. But the situation sucks.
I can't decide what feels better. To be the one to offer need, to feel needed, or to be the one to rely on someone to help, or give you what you need. I think I like feeling needed and influencial. It gives me a sense of purpose, something I think I am always searching for, a purpose.
I wonder why it is such an issue for me? Some people might feel burdened with purpose, maybe challenged, maybe stressed, maybe obligated. I feel alive, strong, willing, important, more worthy of living when I have a purpose. The problem for me is that most of the time, I don't feel I have much of a purpose, and therefore, the emptiness creeps in with a sense of loneliness and confusion and feeling of why the fuck do I need to be alive then if there is no reason to live? It should be enough to exist, to have a job that people count on you to show up, a family that likes your presence, friends that just want to chat. It SHOULD be enough. I am working on that, on just feeling like my purpose is to 'show up' to the world, 'be' in the life I have been given, exist.
And then there's writing and music. I have my own purpose now, for myself. I am doing my best to get words on a page, lyrics in a song, out to the world, out of my head, off my computer and into the universe. I believe, if God or whoever is out there wants my purpose just as much as I do, it will happen, it WILL happen. My job is to stay tenacious, which I have to say, I am good at, and the universe will then support when the time is right. So, right now, I have given myself a new purpose. My purpose is to be the best friend I can, which I accomplished last night, and then, stay tenacious...I like the word and I like the job...I hope we all can stay tenacious to follow our dreams, to help the world, to fix the economy (yes, I DO follow politics sometimes :)), to sing more songs, and to love...to LOVE more than we do...tenacious about love, being loved and loving...I'm good with that purpose too ;)
Wow, I have lots of purposes all of a sudden!! Life will be okay for another week :)
~Jenn
PS...it's my bday week!! Happy MAY !!!
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