Flowers for a funeral

My friend told me the other day
without a goodbye you passed away
if only I could have seen you again
if only I could have more than
flowers for a funeral

I crossed the green grass today
looking for a place to stay
I shed a tear and tried to hide
I shed a tear moved to the side with
flowers for a funeral

my flowers for a funeral
I have so much more to say
so much more to take away
than flowers for a funeral
you mean so much more
than flowers for a funeral

I don't know how everyone copes
I am standing in some dream with hope
that you might return to me
that you might not really need
flowers for a funeral

and in the end I will toss them away
I will remember you more than this day
I wish I could have you a lil more
I wish I could give you more than
flowers for a funeral

my flowers for a funeral
I have so much more to say
so much more to take away
than flowers for a funeral
you mean so much more
than flowers for a funeral

~Jenn

let her run

the day she decides to walk away
from the place that keeps her safe
she will grow in oh so many ways
no chains could keep her in place

       so let her run, run far from here
       she's gotta run, get outta here
       to a place that she can call her own
       she's gotta run and dare find her home

she's got all the ability to let go
but she doesn't trust, doesn't know
that one day she's gonna be complete
she'll be standing on her own two feet

       so let her run, run far from here

       she's gotta run, get outta here

       to a place that she can call her own

       she's gotta run and dare find her home

she can't see what's holding her down

her heart is tied to this small town

her dreams are begging her to leave

it's on her to be brave and run free

you love her but you gotta let her go

you can't give her what she needs to grow

you're holding her back from her true life

just let her go, let her find her inner light...

        so let her run, run far from here

        she's gotta run, get outta here

       to a place that she can call her own

       she's gotta run and dare find her home

~Jenn

she's gone

never would have thought this day would come
thinking we would always have you for the long run
wishing you could have warned us in hopes we could say
our last good bye,
this is a sad day
I hope you didn't have to feel a pain or a warning
I hope you are smiling down with a wise knowing
but why didn't you warn us in hopes we could say
our last good bye
this is a sad day
I know wherever you are now, you are happy and free
and we are the ones who will deal with all the grief
but why didn't you warn us in hopes we could say
our last good bye
this is a sad day
if I could see you for one more day, one more moment
I don't know what I would say or how I would handle
but it doesn't take away the yearning that we could say
our last good bye
this is a sad day
I don't like good bye's they always make me cry
you're gone, just like that, I still feel it's a crazy lie
wishing you could have warned us in hopes we could say
our last good bye
wishing you could have told us you were going today...

this is a sad day

~Jenn

this is not a simple song

This is not a simple song...
since I'm tired, so tired, of needing
to be something more than nothing
I'm trying so hard to meditate
and be happy with my being nothing
but it's really hard to look around
and see faces that look so hard
people running their own race
putting others in their place
signs saying no, stop, go away
come, you, get out of my way
I'm so tired, so tired of this world
when nothing works together
and we're all running to or from
the place away from each other
sometimes I have nothing more to say
other times I can't stop talking this way
it's holiday time and it makes me reflect
on myself who is always guilty
of having friends I neglect
if I could do one new thing this year
if I could change my habit or action
it would be to stop all my tears
wasted on myself and not on others
I would cry for the families
that don't have the ability
to reflect or write something down
cuz they are too busy staying alive
I would cry for the children
who have never heard of santa
there are no presents to receive
they are lucky if they eat
I would stop with my whining
since I I have so many treats
and I would, will, pray and meditate
everyday in every way
on bringing in more peace...
no one needs a reason
to act in human ways ...

~Jenn

tell me what you want

tell me what you want
and I'll speak of my desire's
but sometimes I'm unsure
I might say things to please
and not really want those things...
tell me what you look for
and I'll tell you I'm sure
that I like what you want
and could see you with my wants...
sometimes I don't know
all my heart desires
it is part of my fire
a gift from you to me
but sometimes it leads
to unnecessary things
that keep me from having
all that I really need...
tell me what you want
and maybe I'll wish that too
but when it all comes true
I hope I still want you...
I know what I want
but it isn't what you think
I know I want to love
and appreciation
of who you are to me
so whatever else that brings
I can walk with or without
as long as what you want
is here with me, and you,
yes you, stay forever true
like I will be for you.

~Jenn

you have the key

What's wrong with you
just tell me the truth
there's nothing you can say
to make me run away
what's wrong with you
I feel it's rude
keeping something from me
I feel incomplete
tell me the truth
let's make it our rule
to let everything go
from head to toe
tell me the truth
I'm always here for you
and you have the key
to make me complete
you have the key
to fulfill your needs...
what's wrong with you
I feel something untrue
your words don't admit
your inner conflict
do you not trust
that I can adjust
to whatever is wrong
am I not that strong?
it's always okay
whatever you feel today
but if you keep it inside
our love will just die
and you won't get to see
who you are to me
so tell me the truth
I'm always here for you
and you have the key
to make me complete
you have the key
to fulfill your needs
you have the key
please believe
you have the key
you have the key...

~Jenn

you mean the world

when the day seems to drag and you need someone to fill
the emptiness inside all of you
give me a call and I will do whatever it takes to make you feel
you are a part of my world,
you mean the world
to me
when you can't seem to make sense of everything around you
and the loneliness is all you feel
send me a note and I will come and make sure you remember
you are a part of my world
you mean the world
to me
don't forget, never forget, you mean so much to me
always, baby, always,
I'm sorry for not letting you know I never want to let you go
If only you would know, if only you would know
you are a part of my world
that you mean the world
to me
when love seems to be the furthest thing falling from the sky
and you don't feel at home
ring my bell and I will be opening my door to let you know
you are a part of my world
that you mean the world
to me
you are a part of my world
you mean the world
to me

~Jenn

I just want to feel...

There are miles and miles of empty road ahead
not sure if I should look forward to them or dread
someday I hope we can get past our past,
       I just want to feel all our days will last

I'm running to a place I can just sit still and breath
and I'm looking at you to say you will never leave
we play a part so we don't feel any rejection
      I just want to feel some deep connection

              I'm always falling down, you come to my rescue
             do you know that keeps me running towards you
              I'd do anything to keep you and all my youth
             why does that make me feel so much guilt

The path we take are what make or break
the life we live, we're all trying to be great
I've felt it all, and with you I will always endure
      I just want to feel we'll always be secure

One day my worries will seem a waste of time
only if only you're still walking right by my side
everyday I can be a new way and have a new start
      I just want to feel closer to your heart

I want to love you more than just one night
I want to feel you forever and hold you tight
I'll never give up, I'll fight for you every time
      I just want to feel you'll always be mine

~Jenn

once again 2

once again I'm feelin somethin
I'm feeling somethin I've felt before
once again
once again it's happenin to me
I'm jumpin in, my heart's an open door
once again

once again I'm feelin something true
and it's all because, it's all because of you
and it's scary to be feeling so brand new
but it's all because it's all because of you

once again I've got a smile
every time I look into your eyes
I feel fine
once again I feel alive
I feel the hope I had when I was a child
I feel fine

once again I'm feelin something true
and it's all because, all because of you
and it's scary to be feeling so brand new
but its all because, all because of you

never thought it would come again this feeling
we've all been hurt before,
I didn't want to open the door
until you.....

all it takes is some forgiveness
to turn the page, I've something to give
once again
life's not over, even when you feel stuck
never thought I'd be moving up
once again

and I'm happiest to be feelin somethin true
and I'm happiest to be feelin somethin with you
and I can't believe I'm feeling so brand new
but once again I'm feeling somethin with you

~Jenn

you just want me

come here for a minute
I'm not asking for much
I need to find out what
you want from me
If you tell me directly
I can see my way into
the part you're seeking
from me to complete
but you stand there silent
and you take my hand
like that's all you need
and it's confusing to me...
            you seem to be happy
            and I'm not doing a thing
            how can I control you
            you don't want anything
            you just want me
            you just want me

come here for a minute
I'm not asking for much
but from your touch
I feel safe and complete
it's scary you know
what you don't know
but what do you think
sometimes I don't know
I need to know
so I can design myself
and I'm warning you
I'm scared of the truth...
          why are you happy
          I'm not doing a thing
          how can I control you
          you don't want anything
          you just want me
          you just want me

it's crazy but I knew it would happen
I waited with my leashed in passion
and here you are and I just want you
here you are and you just want me
I hope I can keep you happy...

           why are you happy
           I'm not doing a thing
           how can I control you
           you don't want anything
           you just want me
           you just want me

~jenn

hope not, but what if

You don't see what I see until I post it.  So, I am going to tell you a secret.  I have been staring at a blank page, this page, for a good 30 minutes, typing something, a few sentences, a few stories, and deleted it.  Nothing is flowing today?!  I keep deleting what I write, and you wouldn't know this unless I shared it with you, but I don't do that often!  Usually, I sit down, I start with a sentence and something just comes out of me.  I have something to say all the time.  Today I don't know why, but I have nothing to say, no major thoughts, no revelations, no freakin ideas???!!!  I'm not going to get myself scared yet, but I am just telling you that it's an off day, a blank page, nothing to say...and today, the past couple days, I have been happy...what does this day?  happiness makes you lazy?  happiness makes you stupid?  happiness makes you regular?  uh oh, what if I had to choose one or the other...what if someone asked me, if you could choose between happiness or success, meaning happiness was a normal life and success was because work as a writer and songwriter due to being a tortured artist, what would you pick?  hmmmmmmmm...
I am so used to feeling tortured and struggling, emotionally getting it out on paper, connecting my soul honestly through writing, but I have also ALWAYS wanted to be content and happy...would that make me lose everything else about me??
hope not
but what if
hope not
but what if
hope not

~Jenn

but what if?

Once again

Everyday can be
a new beginning
I believe...
One day, that's all it takes,
can set you on a new path,
where you belong,
once again,
can bring you a soul mate,
to bestow new love,
once again,
can teach you a lesson that will
lead to happiness and freedom,
once again,
I really believe this...!!!
Yesterday I wanted to die,
once again,
I lost all hope,
I wanted to give up,
once again,
and today, this afternoon
I met a guy, a real guy,
once again,
who swept me off my feet,
once again,
we shared something to eat,
once again,
it was such a surprise,
once again,
looking in his eyes
knowing I liked him, he liked me
and my mood and energy
is all brand new, complete
once again,
at least for this week
I will be a little different
once again,
and I will feel
happy being me...once again.
But it's not at all
about wanting him,
or needing him,
it's just about knowing
once again,
that in the world
new things can happen
once again,
and change up a mood
and give you some hope
for a different day...once again.
A new set of eyes
to look at
once again,
until you've had your way,
once again,
and before you run away...
once again.

~Jenn

what you don't know is killing me

What you don't know can't hurt you
but I feel the pain
I'm holding something from you
for my own gain
I know I did something wrong
It's making me insane

but this is how it will have to be
what you don't know is killing me

If I could tell you without hurting you
I would promise
to never ever do a bad thing again
I would promise
to give you everything you deserve
and no one would know

but this is how it will have to be
what you don't know is killing me

secrets last a lifetime too long
for reasons that we construct alone
but if I were to make this secret known
you would toss me from my thrown

so this is how it will have to be
what you don't know is killing me

I love the thought of transparency
but now my self destructive ways
will keep that dream from me
and with you, I'll never feel free

but this is how it will have to be
what you don't know is killing me

maybe it'd be better to be brave
but this secret is going to my grave
I can't risk the love we've built
so I will live alone with my guilt

and this is how it will have to be
what you don't know is killing me

what you don't know is saving you
what you don't know is killing me
what you don't know will always be
the wall you'll feel between you and me

but this is how it will have to be
what you don't know is killing me

~Jenn

the cutest boy I know

I don't know why I'm acting this way
what can I say
I don't have any control these days
not much to say
I'm needy of your attention
did I mention
you're the cutest boy I know

I'm not one to go only on looks
I have to say
I think your smell has got me hooked
what can I say
I'm being honest at the moment
it's the truth
you're the cutest boy I know

do you want to know my name?
maybe we can make a date?
I think you will like my family
My sister is soon to be married
do you like that I feel
you're the cutest boy I know

Look, I'm writing you a poem
if you want
I can even sing you a song
just for you
I can't keep anything inside
did I say
you're the cutest boy I know

I'm pretty cool when you know me
I've been told
I'm not a fake or a phony
most times
this is my most sincere thought
it's a fact
you're the cutest boy I know
you're the cutest boy I know

~Jenn

I feel I'm home

I get lost some of the time
when I'm lookin in your eyes
I don't know what they're telling me
but I know I don't feel lonely
because I feel I'm home
I feel I'm home

It's crazy how I don't know
so much about you right now
but I'm sitting right next to you
and I don't ever want to move
because I feel I'm home
I feel I'm home

           for the first time I feel so much
           for the first time I'm out of touch
           for the first time in such a long time
           I feel I'm home
           I feel I'm home

I want to know all about you
I feel a dream is coming true
do you feel the same as me
or is this a crazy dream
because I feel I'm home
I feel I'm home

           for the first time I feel so much
           for the first time I'm out of touch
           for the first time in such a long time
           I feel I'm home
           I feel I'm home...
...thank you

~Jenn