The Game of Change

If I were to play a game
if I were to find myself still
and possibly a little bored
if I were to decide that my work was done
and I needn't do a thing more
I might close my eyes and let myself drift,
drifting into the game of change...

If you've never played this game
let me share what I've been taught...
close your eyes and go back in time
what choices have you made
what would change?

For me, I always have the same dream
and I would change a lot of things ...

I should not have been so scared to leave home
I should not have been so scared to be alone
I should not have been so selfish with my time
I should not have deceived some friends and lied
I should have given more to my family
I should have walked away from abuse
I should have honored my heart and soul
I should have listened to all the advice

But now the game gets tricky
as I know, right now, sometimes I'm happy
because if I didn't make all those mistakes
if I made all the 'right' choices
I don't believe I would have found you
I don't believe I would have loved you
I don't believe I would have cherished you
and I don't believe I would have hurt you
but if having my colored past means a more colorful future with you
I would say yes to crying and hurting the same amount of times
just so one day I could have you again, and you would be mine ...

and then I drift back into today
and celebrate all of my mistakes

~Jenn