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Wednesday, December 7, 2011

hope not, but what if

You don't see what I see until I post it.  So, I am going to tell you a secret.  I have been staring at a blank page, this page, for a good 30 minutes, typing something, a few sentences, a few stories, and deleted it.  Nothing is flowing today?!  I keep deleting what I write, and you wouldn't know this unless I shared it with you, but I don't do that often!  Usually, I sit down, I start with a sentence and something just comes out of me.  I have something to say all the time.  Today I don't know why, but I have nothing to say, no major thoughts, no revelations, no freakin ideas???!!!  I'm not going to get myself scared yet, but I am just telling you that it's an off day, a blank page, nothing to say...and today, the past couple days, I have been happy...what does this day?  happiness makes you lazy?  happiness makes you stupid?  happiness makes you regular?  uh oh, what if I had to choose one or the other...what if someone asked me, if you could choose between happiness or success, meaning happiness was a normal life and success was because work as a writer and songwriter due to being a tortured artist, what would you pick?  hmmmmmmmm...
I am so used to feeling tortured and struggling, emotionally getting it out on paper, connecting my soul honestly through writing, but I have also ALWAYS wanted to be content and happy...would that make me lose everything else about me??
hope not
but what if
hope not
but what if
hope not

~Jenn

but what if?

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