Not the happy times

I've been in a funk.  A big one.  And I have no idea what to write, so I just thought I would read what I wrote the last time.  And it was called 'I Know.'  And you know what?  I don't know shiat.  I have no idea what the #$@!@# I am doing anymore, I really don't. And it's kinda scary, kinda terrifying, and kinda freeing.  I always want to have the answers, know something about something, try to figure it all out, try to control some sort of outcome or have some sort of expectation about something I am doing, something I am hoping for, something I am working towards or involving myself in.  But, after this weekend, I have come to the conclusion that I need to just stop trying.  I haven't been able to figure out anything and the work it takes to try to figure it all out is pretty exhausting.  It is.  So, there, so be it.  I have no answers, no advice, no clue as to what to do anymore, and if I have ever been at a rock bottom, and yes, I think every week I have some sort of visit to rock bottom, but now is different.  NOW I am at the bottom.  I don't even have a rock anymore, this is the pit, the hole, the bottom under the rock.  That is where I happen to be, and if there is a place that I do NOT want to be for too long, it's here.  Period.
So, moving on...:)  I have a show tomorrow night, recording this week with a guy from the Gin Blossoms, we wrote a song together for a TV show and hopefully it will go somewhere.  And, let's see, what else...I'm pregnant and going to vegas to get married next weekend...JUST KIDDING!  Wondering if you were paying attention...if you were, great, if not, I'm sure I'm gonna get some calls today...
Where will I be tomorrow, later today, later this week, it's all a big question mark for me at this point...and you know what?  I used to sing about next beginnings not coming to an end, and I am realizing that all beginnings come to an end.  That's just how it is I think.  Soooooo fuckin be it.  But, big bummer...these are NOT the Happy Times from the greenhut pages, NOT the happy happy times :)

~Jenn