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Great days sometimes lead to stressful results...does that make sense?

My day could not have gone any better yesterday, that day yesterday, the one I said was gonna be a good day, well it was a good day, a really good day...yesterday was.

Last night was a really bad night, I couldn't sleep, and I wasn't doing anything fun to pass the hours by, I was in my bed rolling around to try and get comfortable, to try and not think, to try and stop my thoughts from the rambling notes of worry and anxiety, thoughts that do not make me feel so good, man I am really my worst enemy sometimes...ok, let me explain...

So, here I am, proud of myself for a good day's accomplishments, everything with my music, my recording, my meeting new people is going great and moving forward.  But now I am worried there is so much I am going to have to prove now.  If people are taking chances on me, and they seem to be doing that, then I have to prove I was worth taking that chance, prove something in me is worth becoming something they want to explore or promote...I start to question, what if there really is nothing that great in me, it is all an act and I have tricked everyone and they will all see that they made a big mistake in taking a chance on me...I start to worry, I think 'I better start working harder, I better start learning how to write better songs, sing better, BE better in time for when I have to be better'...and then comes the STRESS...STRESSSSSSSS, I don't want another failure, I don't want to be another disappointment, I don't want to be another person who just falls through the cracks and no one will know their name...but hey, this is what life is all about.  And who cares if no one knows my name, I know someone does, my mom, my dad, my sister, my niece not so much, but someone does know my name, shouldn't that be enough?

Anyway, great days lead to worry and stress for me, but then again ,bad days lead to worry and stress for me, so I think the moral of the story is that I can never win, and worry and stress is just a thing and maybe that is who I am and maybe most people are like this and maybe it is what keeps me wanting to be better...but if I am NOT ever better, then what good is it anyway???????????????? Huh.

~Jenn