I wish I was better

I wish I was better.  I wish I was better than I am.  I wish I had more to offer.  I wish I was smarter, I wish I was prettier, I wish I was younger, I wish I was more giving, more generous, sweeter.  I wish I wasn't me sometimes, or I wish I was a better me.  And I'm 29, gonna be 30, you would think I had this all figured out by now, how to be me, how to be happy being me, how to live a full life being me and appreciating me?  I'm a baby still, a big baby and I can't take it sometimes...Waaahhhh!!!
I wonder what that means, to wanna NOT be me?  I wanna be diagnosed, I want some shrink to tell me what that means exactly, because it is not a feeling that feels very good.  Maybe I am not supposed to feel so good most of the time.  Maybe that is the point of it all, some people pretend better than others, some people feel less, some people feel more, but we all feel the same just have different ways of expressing it.  Maybe when I feel a certain way, if someone else felt it, they would be rejoicing, or they would be hiding, who knows.  All I know is I don't want to be me today, I want to be someone else, and I wish I could.
I have a problem, and there is nothing I can do about it.  My problem is that I am stuck with my soul, not just today or tomorrow or for the rest of my life, but for every life I come back to, every life that my soul choses to live in, it is me me me and I am stuck with it.  I like complaining about it, I don't know why, but it is kind of comfortable.  If I talk about it in a way where I appreciate it or love it, then I feel like I am being conceited or arrogant or too proud of something I don't really deserve.  I guess I feel vulnerable talking positively about my soul or myself because someone else could easily mock me and there would be the conflict, and my feelings would be hurt, so I am gonna save myself and my feelings from getting hurt, from being seen, and mock myself before anyone else gets a chance too.   See, I have it all figured out, then I never have to feel hurt or upset in front of anyone, only behind closed doors, or in front of my computer, not so bad right?

Eeeeehhhhhhhh, I don't wanna be me today, I don't wanna be me.

~Jenn