I don't wanna get old

I don't want to get old.  I really mean this .  Really.
I went to visit my grandmother yesterday who just had a little accident, so she is in a recovery facility for the moment.  This is a woman, 91 year old woman, who has lived by herself for 91 years.  She makes her own dinner.  She drives to the grocery store (maybe not very smart), she does crossword puzzles, she has 2 great grandchildren, has outlived her friends and her 2 loves, and watches the NY Giants!  She is cool, so cool, so when she fell and hurt her shoulder and got bruised up, she was not expecting to NOT be able to do anything herself, or to have to be at the mercy of everyone to help her walk, eat, move, go to the bathroom, etc...I felt so bad seeing her this way, and I could tell how depressed she was, so depressed.  I can't imagine having such a full life, whoever you are, and then going out with such a slow, painful, humiliating to a degree, ending.  I just can't take it.  I wanna be benjamen button.  I wanna end on the best note possible...wait, I take that back.  Maybe we are supposed to end on a bad note so we will want to go, we will want to get out of THIS life and maybe onto the next one.  Hmmmmmmm, that seems like it could work.  But, either way, seeing my grandmother yesterday, and also seeing her children so caring and helpful, it really told me that family is so important and we need each other in the end, we NEED each other, and here I am not even with any kids yet.  Here I am worrying about myself, my music, my schedule, me me me me me...I need to get my shiat together, me me me me me not gonna help me in the end...and I don't even life myself that much !!!!!
~Jenn