home is where the drama is...

Home is where the heart is, you think?  Maybe yes maybe no, but I know for sure, home is where the drama is, or even better, home is where the drama lives.
Home can be with yourself, inside your head, or home can be where your family is, or where you feel most safe, or most vulnerable, or most real, or most fake.  Home can mean so many different things to different people, but in any case, home means something real, something important, something meaningful, something significant.
My 'home' is my family.  And my own family is not very big, it is basically me, myself, and I, but my 'HOME' would be my extended family, my parents, my siblings, my niece's, and maybe a couple close friends that feel like family.  Home is where all the drama is too.  All the issue's come out of the home, and for me, that means I have no secrets in the 'home', but I also feel most irritable and most vulnerable, maybe because I cannot get away with hiding or pretending, or trying to be someone I am not.  Bummer.  I like to NOT be me sometimes, I do.  Maybe that is what has kept me running, running away from my 'home', away from the realness of ordinary life in pursuit of something more exciting, something more acceptable in my mind, something more 'fairy-tale', something more unavailable, and something more idealistic that creates a challenge worth going for.  And, maybe, even-though the drama is from home, the drama lives away from the home in all the pursuits of getting outside of the home.
Not sure where all this is coming from, but I was at HOME last night for dinner and felt like a little kid again, as pathetic as that sounds, but a little kid trying to please her parents but not really wanting to, trying to get along with everyone yet wanting to yell at them for telling me what to do, blah blah blah.  Parents, family, siblings, can't live with them and can't live without them.  I can't wait to have my own kids...I wonder if they are going to feel the same way about me?  It's hard to imagine since I don't expect me to be like my parents, I am going to be cool, hip, open and nonjudgmental with my kids, I am going to be so much more loving than my parents, I am going to make them never wanna leave :).
Anyway, as much as I complain about home, I love home, I love the issues, the drama, the love, the community, the availability, the fighting, the making up, the reliability, the free dinner's, and the love, did I say that?  Home IS where the heart is I guess, whoever came up with that line knew what they were talking about :).

~Jenn