I'm ready

Sometimes you get to a point in your life where you are just ready to make the choice that you have been meaning to make for 10 years, but you weren't ready to make the choice 10 years ago, even though you knew in your gut you needed to make the choice, but now you are ready, you feel ready, you are not scared anymore, and you are ready.  Very exciting, because I am feeling ready now.  Ready to step into something real, something intimate, something challenging, something gratifying, something less exciting than a roller coaster ride, something called life and commitment and family.  I am ready and willing finally, and I can't explain how it all came about, but you always hear timing is everything and life happens to you in way that you cannot explain all the time, and just when you think everything can never get any better, well, surprise, it actually can, it can!
Do the right thing, we all know what that is, do the harder thing, the one that makes you better and more you, do the kinder thing, the one that helps others along with you, and do the humble thing, the one that puts others in front of you.  The answers always come along when you least expect them, but asking the questions and then listening for the answers is all you need to do, so you don't miss them.
I am scared of doing the wrong thing sometimes, scared of being worse than before, scared of disappointing you who I love, scared of failing you who I adore, scared of failing me who I despise sometimes :).
Everyone' sacred, I realize this, so who cares. really, who cares anymore?  Life is so short, that is what you learn when you grow up, and the lucky one's figure it out before they die, and the unlucky one's end up living with their mistake.  I want to be the lucky one, I am the lucky one because I am not dead yet and I am wanting to live and live with fear and being scared and being human and being a failure at times because one day failing might seem a lot better than dying.  Looking on the bright side, I can easily say, 'hey, I am just failing, I'm not dying :)'...I feel like I am woody allen's daughter, the fact that I talk/think about death every day of my life, where did this come from?  I guess it is easier to keep death in my world daily, keep it close to me now so when it actually does come, it will feel like an old friend knocking on my door and not some cruel enemy....at least maybe this could be?
Anyway, I am ready to wake up, ready to get out of my dream and into the world again.  I am ready again to fail, or fall, one more time, and with that, I feel I have succeeded in everything :)

~Jenn