Secrets

Secrets .  I hate secrets.  and we all tell them, we do, that's NO secret.
But why?  I want to know why we all have to tell secrets when isn't it a goal that we all want to connect and know one another?  Connecting is always something I want to do, to be seen, to be heard, to be known, and THEN to be loved.  And to love someone you know and see and hear and trust and want to know more of.  The real deal.  So, why do we, or why do I, tell so many secrets?
It must be based in fear, that is my deduction.  If NOT telling secrets means connecting, then telling secrets means disconnecting and not being seen or heard.  And if you don't want to connect or be seen, then there must be a fear about it.  Maybe, the real thing wouldn't make the other person see you in a good way, or maybe they wouldn't want to love or connect with you if they knew the truth and not the secret.  But the secret leads to more secrets which leads to more disconnecting and how can anyone actually feel loved when they are not telling people the whole truth about themselves?
And why am I talking about this?  I don't know, but I hate feeling like I am not worthy of asking certain questions from people, or not worthy of hearing the answer, or hate feeling like they don't want to answer my question because they don't want me to know something.  I don't like that feeling.  It makes them come across as not to be trusted, and I want to trust, I want to be trusted.
And one more thing I really can't stand.  Saying 'I love you' to someone who doesn't say it back...how hurtful is that?  And you know they love you, or they have said it in the past, but if they haven't said it in a long time, and then you are feeling like you need to hear it, and then they don't say it, it is painful, and I would even call it cruel, no?  And then of course, you don't want to tell them you are hurt by it, that will make it worse, you want to play it cool, so again, an unsaid truth is becoming now a secret...yuck.  Am I just too fuckin senstive?  I want to know, but it hurts my feelings either way, it just does...

~jenn