Peace

I couldn't sleep last night thinkin about things

between you and me, I have no peace

the things you said and didn't say

the things I wish I didn't communicate

I wonder if I am just too old for all of this

I wonder if I am never gonna get it right

if everything will always end in a fight

did I not learn how to handle being together

having a love or a friend to last forever

did I not learn the appropriate measures

of handling this and living with pleasure ...

or is it just that I have not yet found THE ONE for me

oh where oh where can I get a little peace...

peace, peace, peace, give me peace, peace, peace...

I ran into a friend just yesterday

she told me she finally found a love for her

and she waiting years and years, doubting the same way

and then one day he came to her

and she was ready to start with him

and they are living a happy story

one that I am searching for religiously.

I don't like when I feel pessimistic

since hope is a quality that gets me through

the empty lonely moments in time

I look forward and believe in a better time

but the doubts are blinding and cause me to believe

what if this is all there is for me

and then I have no peace

and life doesn't seem worthwhile anymore

and all my days become a chore

then I think how dare I feel ungrateful for my life

my gift that some don't have as fortunate as me

and then I feel the hatred coming on

because I am stuck in a time that suffering is normal

and I keep believing that I might only have this

and that scares me and makes me feel a sort of punishment

what did I do wrong, where did I fall short

is it me that just doesn't have the right mentality

if I know where to go and what to expect

I think that would be better than living in disrespect

of myself, of my choices, I am just angry right now

leave me alone until I teach myself how

to be happy again, and have faith to believe

that everything is happening for me to find peace.

Peace.

~Jenn