Caviar

Yum, yum, yum.  YUM.  I like caviar.  I do.  I know it is an acquired taste, but man oh man, I have acquired it.  And I am talking about it because I had it last night.  I am grateful.  I mean, really.  It is a wednesday night, out to a regular dinner, and I feel like ordering caviar.  Done.  How many restaurants actually have caviar anyway where it is worth eating?  I am so lucky to be able to get, and so lucky to be able to appreciate it with my loved one who actually loves to feed me caviar.  How lucky am I?
And then I think about all the times I complain about the weather, about not sleeping, about traffic, about pimples, about being short, about not knowing where my life is taking me...and it makes me upset to waste so much time thinking about what I do not like and spending so little time thinking about the things that are so great in my life.  So, there, today will be my grateful day.
Today I don't care that I have so many errands to run, that I have to babysit for 3 annoying kids, that I have to work late.  I don't care because you know what?  It's a beautiful day outside.  And I actually got a good night sleep.  And I can write to whomever I want and blog about anything.  I can eat caviar again if I want :)  I am free, well sort of, but I am free and that makes me grateful.  What if I lived in Egypt right now?  What if I was sick and couldn't get out of bed?  What if I didn't have any friends to talk to or count on?  What if I had no job and couldn't support myself?  What if I had nothing to look forward to, or nothing to appreciate?
So I am grateful...I used to hate happy or grateful people, I really did.  I came from NYC and grew up with a dad saying if I had 3 good days out of the year, it was a good year.  I thought happy people were stupid and smart people were cool and depressed.  But I think I was wrong.  I have been down and out, depressed and hopeless, and also have been happy where I felt I was walking on clouds. I have a different opinion of it all now.
I think it is hard to be happy these days.  I think the happier one is, the smarter you need to be.  Or maybe the stronger.  But either way, I have to say, when I feel grateful, I feel happier, and as hard as it is for me to admit, and as weird as it may sound, I think I might like being happier than sad...at least I am trying happiness out for now...thank you caviar :)

~Jenn