Wednesday

Wow. I am really embarassed, but it took me about 5 minutes trying to figure out the correct spelling of Wednesday...I haven't written that word in a while, I mean who actually writes wednesday a lot, so as I was writing it, it kept looking weird, or didn't seem accurate, and, well, enough said.  Spell check rules !!!
Another word I always had trouble spelling was 'weird.'  I think up until last year, I spelled it 'wierd'.  Doesn't that look right?  It seemed and looked right to me, like it was such an easy word to spell...when I learned how wrong I was, how 'wierd' is actually, 'weird', I thought it was such a weird spelling!  But, now I know, and it will never, ever, appear as 'wierd', when it should be 'weird'.  (no comments please:))
Soooooo...my horoscope today was pretty deep.  It was!!  It said 'I have reached a time of transition, so think about what you want to keep and what you want to leave in the past...spend time thinking about what you want the future to look like, because it's within your power!'
Huh, I thought.  That is a pretty good horoscope to get on a regular wednesday, don't you think?  'Transition', I am all for transition and change, especially when I am in control of it all!  And I am definitely not one to obsess or really put a lot of thought into horoscopes, but when they are THAT good, why not???
So, I started to think...what would I like to give up or leave in the past to facilitate a better future?  So, I thought I would like to give up anxiety...anxiety about not being a good person, not being able to provide for myself, not being able to do everything in life I would like to do.  I would like to give up this apartment I live in right now.  I love the area, but the apt doesn't get enough light to keep me happy, and it is noisy in the morning where I feel like I am back in NYC again.  Not good!  I would like to give up xanax :)  but maybe that will be easy once the anxiety leaves the mindset.
So, what I would like to keep?  My hope, my drive, my passion for life and my desire to want to create and express and make people happy. I would like to keep my friends and family, except for one person :)...There IS one person in my life that I would love to keep, I'd love to bring around for my whole entire life, but I am not sure that will be good for me.  Ever have that person?  The person can be so good and yet so bad at the same time.  Mom can be so good and yet so bad at the same time.  But I'll keep her.  Sis, bro, dad, it's all the same.  They come with me.  But I have one love in my life that is so good, yet so bad, so let's get rid of this person for the future.  or let's just talk about it for now :).  Let's keep health and happiness, let's get rid of pain and sickness, let's keep the blog, let's keep the music classes, the singing, the tennis lessons and the yoga, let's get rid of the sleepless nights, and the people that annoy me.  Let's keep girls night and let's get rid of the fighting and bitchiness...let's get rid of pms for once and for all :)  And the most important thing I would want to keep forever and ever and ever?  Love, and the ability to love and forgive no matter what happens.  Love, connection, openness, passion...I want that.  I guess if I have learned OVER THE YEARS what works and what doesn't, then the future can be as great as the past has been painful, no?

         Over The Years

If I choose right today
I’d say I love you more
I’d give you bigger hugs
I’d forgive without a grudge

If I knew back then
I’d give you more kisses
I’d say I was sorry
I’d forgive without a second thought

Over the years I’ve seen what anger does to me
Over the years I’ve known how resentment blinds me
Over the years I’ve seen what I don’t want to see anymore

Forgiveness is not forgetting
Forgiveness is only accepting
Broken fences need mending
Openness means bending

Over the years I have seen
Over the years I have known
What love is, what IS love.

Love is accepting
Love is believing
Love is confessing your darkest demons.
Love is blinding
Love is uplifting
Love is surrending to the brightest moon.
Love is conflicting
Love is commiting
Love is surrounding all that you are.
Love is desire
Love is incomplete
Love is accepting what is best for the other.

Love is love, that’s what love is.

~Jenn