I never win, I never even get close, but it's because of the smaller categories that have documentaries and shorts, and foreign films and all of the movies I have never even heard of or probably would never even see if I did hear of them. And I guess I never win because I always pick the movies that I WANT to win, going on my emotion rather than my intellect.
My emotion never leads me the right way. Makes me wonder sometimes, am I so miswired in my emotional being that I can only rely on my intellect to make proper decisions? What about the phrase, 'go with your heart, go with your gut, go with your instinct' and you will always be lead appropriately. Not sure about that one, not too sure. However, thinking about it more now, the heart might say something different than the gut. The instinct might oppose the brain and possibly the heart, and the heart, well, speaking from my heart, the heart is pretty messed up! My heart has lead me into so many disastrous relationships that I am surprised I just haven't died from a good old fashioned heart attack. But, thanks to my health I guess, I can always rely on my heart to keep ticking, to keep feeling, and to keep making disastrous mistakes.
AND, thank god I have my instinct to NOT listen to:) And I say that with complete sarcasm and truth, because I don't know about you, but my instinct always says what I DON'T want to do. I always want to go against my instinct, why is this???? So, I go back to the hypothesis that my wiring is just 'off', and my emotions, my gut, my instincts, my intellect, and whatever else I have going against me, well, it all is just a big miscommunication in there and I have found that the best way to deal with too many parties going on in my mind is to just NOT deal, to stop thinking and as one wise guru told me, to just trust and open up to all the love that is around you. I can't fix the crazy miswiring, the crazy thoughts, I can only talk about it and get nowhere...BUT, I CAN write a song about it and get somewhere?!
Monkey's In My Head...I am laughing because I had no idea the academy awards would end up about me :)
Monkey's In My Head
Do not leave me alone with my head for too long, it’s not good
Do not leave me alone with my thoughts for too long, they’re not good
Monkeys in my head, only make me dread
The life we have, the love we lack
Monkeys in my mind, take me away from you
Bring me back to your love I lack.
Do not leave me alone with my head for too long, it’s sad news
Do not leave me alone with my thoughts for too long, they’re old news
Monkeys in my head, only make me dread
The life we have, the love we lack
Monkeys in my mind, take me away from you
Bring me back to your love I lack.
It’s these visions of war, of hate, of crime, they hold hostage the thoughts that run in my mind
And when I pray to some higher power, I still feel powerless in every hour
So in these times I have one request, save me from these crazy thoughts that possess
And, in these hours I ask of you…take me far and away, far from this truth…..AND
Do not leave me alone with my head for too long, it’s not good
Do not leave me alone with my thoughts for too long, they’re not good
Monkeys in my head, only make me dread
The life we have, the love we lack
Monkeys in my mind, take me away from you
Bring me back to your love I lack
And, bring us back to our love we lack
And, bring me back to my love I lack.
~Jenn
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