TRYING is for whimps

SINGING is completely different than WRITING is completely different than ACTING is completely different than PLAYING is completely different than WATCHING is completely different than TEACHING is completely different than BEING...BUT, it's all about LIVING for me, how I want to live, how I am trying to live, and no matter what action I am taking, I am living.  Trying to live and actually living are 2 different things, but I don't think you can try to live, you just ARE living.
I can try to sing, but I guess I am actually singing by trying to do it.  I can try to loose weight without actually loosing it I guess, I can try to make it in the music business without actually making it, I can try to have a healthy loving honest relationship without actually having one, I can try to have a baby without having one, but I can't try to live, I have to do it plain and simple.
Where is all of this coming from?  I guess I am trying to decide, hah, I guess I will decide and not try, what the difference is between doing something and trying to do something.  Maybe I don't even care what the difference is, but in the act of trying, you are giving yourself a way out, you are setting yourself up for failure, because you can try your whole life to do something that might never get done.  But, by doing something, you are doing something that you are committing to and can't make excuses about it because you are DOING it, not just TRYING to do it...so, in my mind, this is a commitment kind of thing, a choice, a step onto a path that might be a good or bad step, but it is a choice to go somewhere and not just talk about going somewhere...I'm trying to go somewhere...SEE?  I need to just fuckin go somewhere, DO something that I keep talking about, and then I won't be TRYING to live my freakin life anymore, I might actually LIVE a life worth talking about :)  The scary thing is that I might DO something and fail...fail to accomplish what I am doing...that's what I need to get used to maybe.  I will fail, I will not cave in by failing, I will stay positive in my failures, and maybe, just maybe, with all my failures, if I stay focused with my chin up, that will be a success it itself...???
Trying is for whimps...I will figure out a song for this at some point...

~Jenn
(yes, you're right, this post is most likely not easily understood...my apologies...it's sunday, and I had a late night DOING something last night ;))